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The end… and why

Published March 13, 2013 by jjjemma

Hi all.

I’m feeling quite charged with emotion today so i’m going to try and depict why i’m leaving twitter and not blogging again.

I don’t know where to begin… I guess i’ll tell the whole story.

So, myself and “boyband” met for lunch on pancake day last month. It went well for an initial meeting – he’s tall, funny, handsome and well, just a nice guy. Anyway, we both got really busy with life and work and we didnt meet up again untill last tuesday – for lunch again. Boyband had been out in town a few weekends in a row and had suggested meeting but i was always otherwise engaged.

So, second lunch… went REALLY well. In my opinion there was a spark and we had similar humor. I knew he liked long haired girls and i had just had mine all chopped off – but he complimented me and said he liked it. After the second lunch we spoke pretty much daily. I’ll happilly admit that i was really quite happy and excited by what may come of this. I’ve never found anyone that ticks all the boxes… and other than him being lazy with communication sometimes he was pretty much perfect.

Then last weekend i went to Butlins skegness with a group of friends. We had a brilliant time and “boyband” and myself were texting daily and exchanged some drunk texts too – which ended with me leaving him an incoherent but hilarious voicemail. We’d arranged for him to come round mine for dvd and wine – it was arranged for yesterday. I was super excited.

On the last night at Butlins an epic row broke out within my friendship group – me being in the centre of it. I was drunk for most of the holiday and actually think it turned me into a total paranoid prick. One sceaming match later and i’d almost ended a very good friendship with someone I spend alot of time with – over NOTHING.

So last night before boyband came over , I text her just saying “lets not end the friendship because of a drunk row” shes coming round mine friday and we are gonna talk and snog lol. So hopefully it will get sorted as I actually really hate confrontation. I’m too old for drama!

Back to last night – so “Boyband” came round mine at 8 and we ordered chinese and drank wine. I let him choose the dvd to watch as im so laid back im almost horizontal.

He looked proper hot when he turned up all casual chic. He’s tall he’s got a lovely smile and twinkly eyes. Well, I think that I was abit delirious from the holiday as my voice has almost gone and sounds like gravels been swallowed. I was proper hyper and talked his ears off and was joking about. Thats my persona. Im in a happy bubble and i wanna stay that way. At one point we even went through my POF and was laughing at all the “original” messeges i get. I really thought the night went well. I was comfortable in his presence and even put his size 9 hi-tops on for a lugh as i’m a size 3 and they looked hilare.

He left fairly early it was just gone 11pm. No kiss just a hug and a “see you soon”.

I text him to thank him for coming over and suggested going out at the weekend.

He text back saying “awww you’re lovely, a laugh and i enjoy your company-

this is gonna sound really poo but i’m just not sure if its romantic or mates”

😦

I kept my reply very cool and said i did wonder why he didnt kiss me.

He then said he didnt feel it appropriate to go there. he respects me blah blah blah – basically “friend-zoned” me.

He then said he thinks heis not ready or bothered with the whole dating thing and that hes sure i wont have trouble finding someone as im a top bird.

Gutted

Went to bed with the hump.

I’ve not contacted him and nor will I now.

Maybe i was too much? He did say I swore loads (but its not like he didnt!!)

Maybe it was the short hair? The honesty? Maybe he just didnt fancy me.

Maybe this was his plan all along??? – He has read these blogs remember … and he said via text that “maybe” he would be the one to put an end to my blogs… WELL HE WAS RIGHT THERE …I’ve had enough of over-sharing. He was probably scared id blog about him. Maybe he was getting revenge for all the men ive pissed off.

Maybe i’m just over thinking.

So today I give up twitter, my blog and POF.

I’m so disheartened by this guy not liking me back. It was like the final nail in the coffin for me. I feel tired. Maybe i tried to hard. I am a people pleaser. Its nice to be nice and all that.

I did a cancer patients hair at college yesterday and she was so very open with me. She spoke of how “you never think its gonna be you” and that when it hits you and you realise you may die you panic and start thinking of all the things you wished you had done.

Well that comment has got me thinking. The kids dad always checks my twitter and blog – we don’t speak so its like a psycho game we are playing. I’m always on my phone tweeting my fucking life away to people i’l probably even meet. Instead of sitting with my folks and giving them my FULL attention. Or getting down on the floor and playing with my boys. And even reading a book from start to finish… i cant remember the last time i did that. Twitter for me is like a crutch. It makes me feel loved and funny and gives me attention. I’ve turned into an attention whore with my “Look at me” pictures. The bitchiness amongst cliques is rediculous too. Drama I dont need.

My blog – the place I slate all the men that were nice enough to take me out. I come across as a manhater/eater. A frequent over-sharer.

The thing is – most of you don’t even know the actual real, vulnerable, intelligent girl behind all this.

Boybands knockback was probably the best thing he could of done. It has made me realise so much. I’m nowhere near perfect. I have so much to do with my life and actually need to start making these memories.

If i never meet the one – so what?!

Shit dates – are shit!

I give up on all for now. I’ve got to focus on my kids, my family, my friends and my business. I have to find the real me again.

I loved every second on twitter but its just the right time to make positive changes.

.

I’m not shutting this blog down or deactivating my twitter i’m just deleting the apps from my phone and you never know one day I may shock you all and come back. Maybe i’ll have a happy ending to tell you all about!

Thank you everyone for being my mates. I love you all and will miss you, but i am excited to try to live a normal life without my phone in my hand

Any comments on where i went wrong with boyband would be appreciated!

Ta ta for now

Love Jemma

xxxx

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The Youth Of Today

Published January 2, 2013 by jjjemma

Does anyone remember Aaron… The 21 year old stud from the post “the eventful evening”.

Well!!!! Let me tell you all that has developed!!!

Little , sweet, gorgeous Aaron, has been texting me constantly over xmas. Including several times on Christmas Day. Then a few days later he began WhatsApping me. Which i was happy to oblige with flirting etc. I asked why he had come over to Whatsapp rather than texting me suddenly and he said “cos I aint used this before”.
Okay, fair enough Jemma thought.

So Aaron continued to elaborate on how much he wanted to kiss my sexy body all over /lick me all over / Can’t wait to come to leicester SO BAD etc etc …. (those were his words btw)

So, today, for some reason I went on Facebook and there was Aarons status update
” Taking my gorgeous gf to arsenal at the end of the month… i will covert you ;p” (and tagged “said” gf in the post)

HOLD. THE. FUCK. UP….!!!!!!!

GIRLFRIEND???? WHAT GIRLFRIEND???!!!

So I made a fresh brew, plugged the mac book in and turned on “stalk-mode”. As a few of you may know from this postwhen I suspect a situation is any less than kosher, I turn into fully blown stalker girl.

So I clicked on aforementioned girlfriends profile. She looked about 19, nose piercing and without sounding like a bitch, average. – I mean, come on… I have “grown” into myself… as I am sure she will…

Anyways, said she was in a relationship with him since Dec 25th. Christmas day – when he spent a lot of it texting ME!
Looked through her profile pics and there was one of HIM and HER on November 4Th 2012 looking loved up. Went down her timeline, and saw she had been “in a relationship” with Aaron in Sept 2012 and June 2010. Basically, it looks like they have been on/off for a very long time. I am sure of one thing … I bet she doesn’t know of ME and I bet thats why he has swerved our little frisky chats over to Whatsapp! CUNT!

So.. I played it very innocent with Aaron. I went onto Whatsapp and said “Oh gosh I didnt realise you had a GF”

He replied:”Only just got one… you were too far away haha”
I replied: “You were too young for me anyway!”
He replied: “Never too young!Well if nothing was to happen at least I met a lovely woman out of it :)”

I replied: πŸ™‚

He replied:”If you’d of came back to my hotel I wouldnt of been a good boy πŸ™‚ xxxx”

I replied: “really?” (at this point fuming)
His response: “yeh course – i was besotted with YOU”

I havent replied. HE hasn’t been straight with me here has he?! “I just got a gf” —- REALLY?!!!
DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING FELL OFF A CHRISTMAS TREE?!!!

Now, I have 3 choices here…

1.) Keep quiet, pretend he doesn’t exist and delete off Facebook

2.) Tell his girlfriend, break the girls heart (she will prob go back to him anyway) and fuck him over – SURELY THESE DICKS NEED TO GET WHATS COMING TO THEM?! He dry humped me all over The Fan Club ffs!!!!!

3.) Scare the little player senseless and tell him if he doesn’t be straight with me then I’m gonna tell his gf about our night of “passion” *evil laugh* muhahahahaha!!!

I havent decided what to do. I am not sure I want the drama. However, on the flip side if i was the girl then I would want to be told! Lets not forget, 2 days ago, that little RUNT was planning to take me out when he is down here in 12 weeks!!!

What shall I do??????

YOU DECIDE

Loves Jem xxx

@barbiedoll_moi

@barbiedoll_moi

@barbiedoll_moi

A twomance

Published November 30, 2012 by jjjemma

twitter= romance

I joined twitter in january 2011. i was at home with a small child and contemplating my next move of what to do in life. Id heard lots about twitter, so signed up to try and fill in the boredom and loneliness of being a single mum to 2 small children. I made the schoolboy error of following all celebrities and not following any “regular” twitter folk back! what a faux pas i made there!!! inevitably, i found twitter extremely shit and closed my account. in March 2011, i decided to give twitter another go as i was bored, i tried a different approach – following normal people and very few celebs. within a week i was hooked. I realised there were a significant amount of twitter cliques and several started to pull me in with good banter and lots of “counts” thrown in for good measure. I didn’t like the self proclaimed twitter celebs – who were normal folk like moi and thou, yet they never followed back and often tweeted stolen jokes from others. Anyways… i procrastinate…
So , i found a group of people i seemed to fit in with and we all chatted daily. Soon, a girl within the group and i began chatting a lot. She was at home a lot with her twin daughters and me with my son, whilst the other was at school.This girl, Emma (she wont mind me naming and shaming haha), has turned into my best friend. Its crazy to think 2 years ago i never knew this girl and couldn’t point to her island on a map – yet now i have BEEN to her island and would be lost without her in my life. So for that twitter, i thank you xxxπŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
Four months into my twitter addiction, a guy came onto the scene via the infamous “DM” box. He was someone i followed due to his sheer “don’t give a fuck attitude”. If i say the word “Bradders”, a lot of you will know who i am talking about. Bradders always initiated our DMs, he would ask how i was, or tell me i was pretty and we would talk on a more serious level away from prying eyes of the twitter timeline. We openly bantered each other across the twitter timeline and would speak more and more frequently. Joking and laughing, i liked him. By July 2011, Bradders asked for my phone number and would call me several times a day for hours at a time. REALLY INTENSE! we would laugh, joke, rip each other, do impressions of random shit down the phone and tell funny stories. I REALLY liked this guy. πŸ’›

He admitted he had feelings too but obviously we needed to meet to see what was what.
So in August 2011, he was up in my neck of the woods with his parents to visit his sick relative. He asked if id like to meet up and drove over an hour out of his way to pick me up and we went to nandos cos we both bum loved that place. MY first impressions of him were bait shocked as he looked bait different from the couple of pics id seen of him on twitter, but he looked a cheeky choppy and we chatted easily and laughed. He was a total gent and you know what?- He was SOOOO much quieter than id imagined. As he drove me hoe , he asked for directions back to mine as he didn’t know leicester. I’ve never told anyone this but i told him the longest route back as i didn’t want him to go. I was already falling.

He dropped me home and from that moment on he was mega intense, calling , texting, tweeting etc. I did notice he was tweeting other girls offering to meet up , but when i asked him about this (i.’m a direct kinda chick), he played it down and just claimed it was twitter banter not real life and he said i was the only girl he’d met off there. He said “it was on between us”.πŸ‘―

A month after all that, i had some major personal shit kicking off and asked Bradders for abit of a break from the constant communication barrage. He went stone cold dead silent.
I then noticed he was chatting ALOT to a girl id been mates with from the start – she was moving in on my man. They openly spoke about phoning each other etc. I was gutted and basically ended it with bradders, telling him i wasn’t down for getting messed around and wished them both well.

WELL THAT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH WAS IT???

I went away with my family that weekend. i was alerted by a fellow tweeter that braiders was posting a load of shit about me – all untrue , i may add, on his timeline. He also had his mate dean and the other girl -olivia backing up his bull crap. He said some really vile stuff; That i was a stalker, that he had images of me, that i was mental, evil. The worst one was when he apparently screen grabbed texts from me (it said my name in the from box) saying to him ” i hope your kids get cancer and die”.

When i saw this i broke down. Olivia, and dean were backing him up saying i was mental and that i wouldn’t leave them alone, making their lives HELL. The truth was this… i HAD left them alone. I hadn’t even got Olivias number as we vaguely chatted on twitter now and again about our kids. And Dean id only ever chatted through Bradders. I had let him go.
I retaliated over twitter asking him to delete the contact name to reveal my number if it was really me. He didn’t – because he couldn’t. He had sent himself that text (probably off of his 2nd mobile phone which he insisted was for work). I lost a few followers – some of whom believed him. This hurt. They believed that i was capable of wishing children dead. People were hashtagging me and saying some awful stuff about me. i cried, hard.
What had i done so wrong? i let olivia have him, there was no fight or fall out. I was an adult but they were out to destroy me. I really was falling for that guy and he betrayed me and then lied about me.πŸ’
He even gave that stupid tat olivia, my number and she called me off of blocked number saying she was in bed with him the night before when the alleged texts had came through from me. i told her they wasn’t from me and told her to leave me alone and put the phone down. i deleted my twitter account and came back under a new name as i didn’t want to be associated with him, her or any of there friends. If someone retweets him onto my timeline , i blocked them too as i NEVER want to go through that again.

And that was that. Until yesterday…
over a year has passed since all that bollocks and i don’t even think about it – to be honest id forgotten all about it – otherwise id of blogged this as a warning to all.

πŸ’¬My whatsapp pinged. Bradders.

I opened the message ; it was that spam shit thats going around.
so i replied. “ha glad you’ve got a virus you fucking fag”

He replied, apologising for all that he had done. Like genuinely sorry. He admitted to being manipulated by Olivia and although he’d never met her (even tho she aid she was in bed with him the night the texts shit blasted off), he gave her his passwords to twitter so she could attack me via him. She led him to believe i was harassing her and saying stuff about her (surprise surprise). Bradders said i didn’t deserve all that crap and that he was truly sorry , but was head fucked by the mentalist olivia. He also mentioned her baby had died and said he’d had his fair share of karma too and said that they both deserved everything that happened after there malicious lies and hate campaign against me.

Now, this Olivia girl was apparently loaded, hot, 3 kids, divorced, buying horse stables in Hampshire or somewhere posh, drove a x5 car and was on twitter 24/7?! he dad and brother were also on twitter – which i believe was this girl setting up other accounts to make her sound amazing. As the dad and brother accounts only ever tweeted her or about her!
– Are you still with me??

Anyways, when Bradders broke it off with her, suddenly her child died and was rt all over twitter. I’m gonna put this out there cos i think this Olivia/olivya is a FAKE. Tweeting for attention, and i bet my life that she isn’t who she says she is …I think she has probably stolen someones pics off Facebook and poses on here as that lady.

Bradders karma that he said he got was he lost his dad. The loss of his father seems to of made him grow up. The level of maturity our conversation had last night proved that. I don’t hold any malice towards him or his freaky ex twitter wife or whoever the damn she is.

I think a proper truce has been called and i’m glad to draw a line nude it all and to wish him well in his life.

I realise that yet again i was too trusting and i think that will always be my flaw … however i’m getting better at spotting the wankers before they drive a chainsaw through my fragile heart.πŸ’”

I’m glad i experienced a twitter romance, but it almost certainly has put me off having another one!

Lesson learnt; internet peeps are not all to be trustedπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘

jem xxx

p.s IN YOUR FACE to all the cunts that doubted me and thought i might of said those awful things, if anyone requires whatsapp screen shots as proof of this feel free to contact me!!!😜

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In sickness and in health

Published October 18, 2012 by jjjemma

Wow. Tues night went to bed feeling fab. Woke up at 3am with stomach pains. Nausea. I was up for a few hours trying to decide if I needed to bob or vom. Eventually at 6 am I made myself sick an couldn’t stop all night!

At 7am it was time to get kids ready. I knew I had to sort myself out as I had an important appointment at 9.15am.
So I struggled, dry wrenching to get the boys dressed, washed and fed. Dropped Alfie in school and Archie at my dads.

Dad told me my mum was in bed with a sickness bug. Cheers then.

Once I’d finished at my appointment and collected Archie we slipped into bed until 2.45pm. I slept so well- I must be ill as I never sleep in the day. We got in the car to collect Alfie. I got to the school an realised I didn’t need to collect him for another hour as he had after school club 😦

So I thought I’d force myself to the supermarket to get some emergency supplies in.
BIG MISTAKE
Got to Tesco, rammed some soup, bread and milk in the trolley, paid in silence as I felt like death. Then took my trolley, my kid an myself to the disabled loo where I literally felt so faint I had to lay down on the bog floor!

Eventually I puked some more and after quickly washing my face, realised I had no time at all to collect Alfie.
So I pushed my big heavy trolley to the exit and got in my car.

Fuel light came on.

Stopped at the pay at pump kiosk, freezing and trying to refuel my car whilst trying to remain upright.

Finally got to the school to be ambushed by people trying to talk to me. Had to tell them I’m ill as I feared puking all over the mum brigade.
Got my eldest, got home. I had the shakes bad and hasn’t had anything to eat. So made the boys a very lame tea of toast and jam and I had 1 slice o plain toast. Felt pukey again so whacked heating on full, got my duvet and put “fred clause” DVD on. The boys were so well behaved. When that had finished we all went upstairs and I was in bed last night at 7.40pm. And that’s where I stayed until 7am this morning.

As a single parent family we have to muddle through. When I gave birth to Archie my 2 year old, Alfie was only 3 and I’d had a rough birth (episiotomy -ladies!) but within 3 days I was vacuuming the house and changing beds as it was only me available to do it. I had lost a litre of blood and had about 9 hours sleep in 4 days around the birth. I do think women are made for stuff like this. I’m still here and still smiling πŸ™‚

My parents are fab and help but they have their own lives and they help me enough. The guilt o “putting” on people is always in my head.

This isn’t a moaning blog at all. I get ill like that 3 times a year usually. It’s an insight to a single mums plight when she gets ill.
Especially in my situation where the ex isn’t on board or even the slightest bit interested in helping out. You really do have to just get on with it and wave buh-bye to your dignity for a day or two πŸ™‚
Jem xxx
P.s- these are what Alfie drew at school when I was poorly yest

@barbiedoll_moi

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