single parent

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The truth about love is….

Published October 6, 2012 by jjjemma

The truth about love is…

On my “quest” to find the elusive (and non-existent) ‘ONE’, i’ve began to notice relationships that people are in around me. They mostly (not all!) follow this pattern:
1.) Meet vía social networking media (Book of Face, Twitter, Plenty of Fucks (fish) and various other dating sites).
2.) Have some amazing dates and start gushing to mates about new wonderful person that you have quite literally “found”.
3.)Realise that said “found” new lover has told you a couple of porkies (lies).
4.)Start to cover up porches for new social media bf/gf and make excuses that seem acceptable.
5.)Argue. Lots
6.)Go on holiday, have amazing time and all badness is forgotten. Begin to plan a future.
7.)The female gets impregnated.
8.) Couple are happy to announce expectant baby all over the internet.
9.)Male in the relationship goes off the rails and cheats when pregnant lady is at home.
10.)Baby is born and all badness is forgotten.
11.)Male cheats again within 8 weeks of baby being born
12.)Female suspects cheating and does exactly the same
13.)Massive epic fights – sometimes violent
14.)Kids get fucked up by fucked up parents
15.) Everyone lives unhappily ever after. THE END.

I’ve seen this story and variations of this story happen too many times over the past 2 years. To real life friends and social media folk. Its made me realise that is “looking” for a man / women ever a healthy thing to do long term??

Another observation that has stayed with me is this;
“When a baby is born, the relationship between a man and a woman breaks down”.

I’ve experienced this first hand – i had my first baby with the so called – love of my life (Ha!) when i was 21 years old. He changed almost instantly towards me. He stopped kissing me, cuddling me and the only time we were intimate was when he fancied abit! When i had my second baby with him, he legged it at top speed and was fucking anything with a pulse in Nottingham (see DJ – in previous blogs). Now , don’t get me wrong, i am not blaming my babies for the relationship breakdown AT ALL! It was mainly the DJ’s fault and the rest was mine. He had a bad track record with women and my body changed from a pert 20 year olds to a whale in the space of 9 months – he was shocked, i was shocked and then – once the baby is out, the woman is left tearful, tired and stuck with the body of a deflated balloon. Yes, babies are soooo cute and i wouldn’t change anything about mine- HOWEVER – a baby is for life , not just for christmas…. and it means you’ll always have a tie with the other parent for the rest of your life!!!!

One of my friends, had a baby with a guy after over 5 years together. She thought she couldd trust him implicitly. He had even took on her child which she had from another relationship. So when the time came for them to have a baby together, she was relaxed about it and thought she had nothing to worry about. Baby arrived, and the dirty little bastard started up 1 affair (that she knows of) with a work colleague.

Another lady friend i know has a turbulent relationship with her fella, they already had 5 kids between them from past failed relationships. They planned a baby and she got the little girl she’d always dreamed of – after having two strapping boys. In my opinion they are as bad as each other. She let him see her give birth to their baby when he was coked up to the eyeballs after a 2 day bender. He went out to wet the babies head – for 3 days! She keeps letting him back with feeble excuses of “i love him” , “i can help him”, “he’s told me some bad shit he has never told anyone”, “i need help with the baby” and the most recent was “I need him to finish off the decorating!!!”.

People need to get respect for themselves, each other and most of all the children. We need to take it back to the old school where men were gentlemen (hold doors, pull out chairs – easy on the swears) and gals need to be more ladylike (no one night stands – sends out the wrong signal AND no ; you are not “one of the lads” YOU ARE A LADY!!! FFS!!!

My parents had epic rows when we were kids- she walked out a couple of times (for about 6 hours) , but dad and her always worked it through and they worked TOGETHER. They compromised and 45 years since they first met… this year, they celebrated their ruby wedding anniversary (40 years!). I wrote in their anniversary card of how proud i am to have parents that are still together.

I’m open to this thing we call love, but not searching or expecting…

In the words of one of my favourite singers:

The truth about love is … its all a lie

listen to this – says it all

“Love”, Jem x



The ghost of relationship past

Published August 17, 2012 by jjjemma

I went away to help a friend in need for a few days. Quick synopsis is, she has 3 kids – 2 from one relationship and a new baby with fiancé… Who is a tosser. He went on a bender and so she went on her first ever holiday alone as a single Mum with an 8 week old baby.

Here is where I come in — she was scared and rang me for reassurance , iv been away numerous times alone with my boys an it can be lonely so I offered to go visit her at Skegness and ended up staying the night and spending the next day going round skegvegas “hotspots”.

Skegness is a two hour drive for me. It’s somewhere me and the ex used to randomly road trip to for a bag of chips on the beach and play in the arcade. Everywhere I looked today there were reminders:
-the beach, where we kissed and cuddled on one of our last days out together, a sort of farewell road trip
-The chippy opposite the beach where we shared many evenings eating the battered crap and huddled together on cold autumn nights
-The amusements, where we spent many an hour playing on the monopoly game trying to beat it
-The clubhouse he took me too whilst he fixed up some new parcan lights and speakers
-even the journey home route back to Leicester passes where he lives, Nottingham. Followed by burton on the wolds (where we was going to move together).

I don’t know if all this has came out due to me being counsellor and confidantè for my newly single parent friend. But I really felt sad.

But I couldn’t cry. In the car I was driving, my kids were asleep and I could of but they wouldn’t come out. So I think I’m over it all.
He was a cunt (see prev blogs)
And I dont want him. I think it’s the old memories plus talking about men being cunty followed by the doubt that I’ll ever see his face again.

I had to have a harassment warning issued against him so that I can move on !!!
The father of my kids, the drug abuser, the girlfriend abuser and all round loser.

He was right. Everytime I look at my kids I’ll be reminded of him….

But only cos he has missed all the boys “firsts”. Let me do it alone. They are perfect. He messed up. Big time.

And I don’t know if I can trust a man ever again.



Published August 13, 2012 by jjjemma

So I’m gonna blog about two men last weekend that left my life as soon as they came into it.

So … First one was damion – a 25 year old off plenty of fish. He messenged me only a couple of times before asking me out for some dinner and asked when I was free. He was 6ft tall, dark haired and his pictures looked nice. So I thought “why not?!”. I explained that I had friends down at the weekend but then after chatting to my mates they suggested asking him to meet us for a drink (which also meant I don’t meet wired Internet guys alone! BONUS). To my surprise damion (I know let’s not go there with the god /hell jokes) , said yes and we arranged to meet. Just before we walked into the bar iPad a horrible feeling in my gut and didn’t wanna meet him. Gut instinct. My mates thought it was just nerves and to my surprise my mates spotted damo before I did.
FUCK he had BAD hair! He looked good from the front but gel overload and fin spokes at the back … Eeww. And looked like a child. Anyway we were chatting and I tried to make a bad situation good. My female friend offered us a drink and to my surprise the cunt accepted without hesitation. No offer of getting us one. It clearly states on my profile that I want a gentleman ffs!!!
Anyway… In the next bar he then followed us to, he got just me and him a drink – didn’t even offer to get my mates one back!!! I was mad, my mates were mad. He shouldn’t of accepted a drink if he didn’t intend to buy one back?!!! Plus on a first date the man should always try to pay even if he never plans to splash the cash again! Tightwad cunt. So me and my mates met near the loos and I said I’d had enough of making small talk with the idiot… He was asking loads of questions about my kids dad (see previous blog post for low down on that cunt too). Luckily. Emma my knight in shinning armour got rid of him. Yes we had to be rude but to be honest he was rude too soon point wasting anymore of the evening on him.

Then we went to a club.
Que dickhead number 2. The doorman. Now me and the doorman have abit of history. We have known each other for 5 years. I dated him for a short time on one of the many “breaks” I was having with the boys dad when he was around-ish. The doorman and me drifted apart as we both had unsettled shit with our exes whom we both had children with. However, the doorman would take me home , sleep over (no sex at all) , cuddle me all night and leave the next day and I’d never see him until the next time I was drunk and out. We used to kiss and cuddle but let me stress… We NEVER had any sexual contact… No groping, no tongue snogs, no sexy time. He was a gent and never took advantage of me when I was drunk. Which made me like him even more.
Well about two years ago, I took him back to mine after some dirty chav bit his face whilst doorman was throwing him out the club. I cleaned up his face and it hit me. I loved this man. I asked him to stay (as he had so many times). But this time he said no. He had to go…. I started to cry and admitted I loved him. He walked out as soon as I said it and left me crying.
So I avoided him for a year.
Got over it, as you do.
I was out at Christmas for the college girls Xmas do. We ended up at that bastard club and I was pissed. We couldn’t take our eyes off each other. It was always like that. He was the only one in the room and I know he felt the same. But he was holding holding back. As I got more and more drunk I noticed he kept talking to women, he had a little fan club of little girls in little outfits, hugging and kissing him! I was proper fucked off. I went over to “chat” and called him a nob, to which he called me a dirty little slag… And we didn’t speak since. Iv been in that club numerous times since completely blanked the twat

UNTIL Saturday night. He spotted me the second I walked in. I could feel his eyes burning into me.i wasn’t drunk at all so in control of myself. And I knew I looked the best shape iv looked for years. Working out has made me more body confident DEFINATELY!! For over an hour I blanked him. Kept feeling his eyes on me but was too busy dancing and bumped into an old girl I knew from school, so was chatting for abit.
I went to the ladies and when I came out , he was there , leaning against the wall with an almost shy smile on his face. He has great teeth. Mixed race, muscly etc. he grabbed me straight away and kissed my cheek, i smelt his familiar Clinique aftershave and melted altitude bit…okay…alot!
So, we chatted for a good ten minutes, whilst he was working. He spoke about his little boy and I showed him a picture of my boys and how they look now. He said he never stopped loving me…. “whaaaaat?!!!!!!” he FUCKING SAID HE LOVED ME!???!????
I kept it together and just told him he never gave it a chance and he said he hated women. I told him how iv not slept with anyone for over a year and my reasons behind it. He was impressed. But before the convo got awkward I gave him a peck on his cheek and said I’d see him later.
Later on me and my male friend (who was shit faced ) sat and was trying to take pictures of two larger than life creatures making out in a dark booth. I tried to beckon the doorman over to laugh with him and get them removed as they were humping abit. The doorman took all this the wrong way and thought I was sitting next to my boyfriend (wrong) , was taking the piss out of him (wrong) and trying to wind him up (wrong!) for fuck sake. So he came over, whispered in my ear “I’m not playing this game” and shouted to my male mate – “take care of her mate , she’s special”. WHAT!!!!
So I thought fuck you and we went to play on a games machine. The room in the club we was in was closing but I still had 50p credit in my “deal or no deal” game – which I was not gonna leave :). So me andmy male pal were playing on this machine and doorman had the cheek to try to get us to leave. I said we were just finishing out game and then jokingly said “what ya gonna do if i don’t leave?” and winked. He cracked a smile and I explained he’d got the wrong end of the stick. To which he announced to my mate “im in love with this girl and have been for years” OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! AGAIN!!!!! He then whipped out his phone and got his number up and told me to put it in my phone.
I made sure I entered the digits properly and got my mate to double check. I liked him mucho.
Well, I text him that evening saying i thought what he said in front of my mate was lovely . No reply. Left it till 3pm the next day and sent him a message just saying I’m disappointed he never got back to me . And I am. But then again I’m not… Cos he would always be like this and iv had enough of unobtainable men.

So I’m back to being me again. No dates lined up and seriously considering saying buh-bye to the aquatic dating site i call plenty of fucks.

After 3 longs years of being out of a relationship I’m longing for a mate I can warm my cold feet on, in time for winter. We can’t rush these things -I know. But I’ve been sooooo patient! I even dated a guy with zero personality and a receding hairline for gawds sake. But as the dating commandments states “thou shalt not be desperate”… I think the time has come to withdraw (pardon the pun) from actively seeking males.
You dicks can find me, in the corner with my wine, fags and weights:)

Ps… We got a pic of the dude Damion before I sacked it off … Here it is 🙂


Deadbeat Dads

Published July 10, 2012 by jjjemma

Hello, Ola, and Bonjour!!!!! So! Today i am writing about the government. Don’t groan! i heard that 🙂

As a single mummy of two young boys, i get no help from there father physically, emotionally or financially. I am aware of at least 3 other women in my day to day life in this situation. The (government run) Child Support Agency is an extremely slow and painstaking procedure. Even the staff on the telephone helplines sound demotivated and depressed!

i recently started a claim up again after my children’s “father” has refused to contribute AT ALL during the past year. His excuse is “the government provide you with enough money for you and the kids” – whilst he earns thousands and declares very little each week as a self employed entertainment director (of his own company!!). He is very clever – he registered his company as a “limited” company – so that in effect he pays himself a wage and assets can be held in the “limited company” which are not regarded by law as “his” – even though they are … still with me???

The CSA do not have enough powers to make these fathers pay fairly. i believe the reason claims and cases take so long to be processed is solely so that us single parents get pissed off with the system and close the cases down – like i did a year ago!!!

When i telephoned to reopen my case. the monotone voice droned on at me about “having to give all my details again and the fathers due to them not being on system”. BULLSHIT!!! i rang another number afterwards for c/a options , gave my national insurance number and they had all the information on myself, my children and my ex!

Oh and have you heard they now want to charge single parents a fee for making a claim against absent parents?! How exactly is this fair?? Charge the absent parent!!!

I will not give up this time. even if i only get £5 a week for my kids , it is that selfish inexplicable mans duty to pay for his kids. I agree, the government helps me to pay for my part in bringing the kids up (whilst i am in full time college trying to provide a better future for myself and my children may i just add!), BUT it does not cover the children’s fathers duty to pay!

If a man wants to walk away from his two children, whilst providing for his daughters who live in the same town as him then that’s fine – BUT don’t expect to get away from paying. Its a duty you commit to the second you decide to not wear a condom