Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Happy Monday folks 🙂
Last night I watched an emotive documentary on the 9/11 attacks. It shook me to the core to hear and see other peoples real – time accounts of the horrific moments that terror struck those twin towers.
It made me think about life. The value of life. What really matters, and what doesn’t count.
For me, it’s about love – giving, receiving and sharing it. Ive ALWAYS craved love and I doubt I will ever successfully over come that craving.
I always believed that to be loved , you must be beautiful. I know how shallow I must sound right now, but this is my blog and I’m gonna have to speak the truth.
At school I was NEVER THE CUTE ONE. I was always the gangly legged, short dumpy person with a tinge of ginge in her hair. At college, I had to pretend I was someone I was (an emo), just to fit in… And then… Suddenly… I got a boyfriend.
Ricardo has been spoken about in other blogs, he was my first boyfriend and we lived together. He thought the world , planets and stars of me. He would constantly tell me how perfect/beautiful/ gorgeouse/cute/sexy I was. I started to believe my own hype.
Then I met the kids dad (see Dj – in “what is love?”). I was a cocky 19 year old. My confidence was through the roof and I believed I was always the most attractive person in the room. Massive ego. But as you all know, he abused me in just about every possible way, and eventually I cracked, developed eating disorders and was a shell of the person I ever was.
Two men, two years apart, I went from one extreme to another.
At 5 foot 2, I’m teeny. When I was with ric I was a healthy 8 stone. By the time dj had finished with his abuse iwas 6.5 stone. Skeletal.
Totally unattractive, spotty, clothes falling off me and chain smoking to high heaven.
I feel sad at those wasted years, I used to sleep in most of the day to avoid eating and to avoid life.
In the past year. I finally feel I have “grown” into myself. I don’t think I’m STUNNING, but I also accept I’m no Munster. I take care of my appearance , I eat a balanced diet and I exercise more than I ever have in my life, I weigh in just under 8 stone (around 7-12) and I don’t think I am above or below anybody else.
I respect and understand that. It takes more than good looks to be successful in life, or to find that unobtainable love of your life 🙂
Beauty isn’t about perfect symmetry. True beauty is about embracing your imperfections , possessing a good soul and a twinkle In your eye.
And I know that I would rather lived happy life than waste it worrying about aesthetic challenges
Ultimately, those who lost there lives in the twin towers, did not know what fate had in store for them that day . People died, committed suicide, had horrific injuries and burns. We should all be blessed to have a life. We owe it to ourselves and heroes of the past , present and future to really OWN our lives and live to the max.
I quit smoking,started again and quit again- never give up trying to do anything that you REALLY wanna do and don’t sweat the small stuff .
The one of me on the loo is me at my skinniest ( I did get skinnier but no pics on phone)
The other two are me – now. Fit , healthy and happy 🙂
Add me on twitter : @barbiedoll_moi