Single mummy

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Published September 3, 2012 by jjjemma

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Happy Monday folks 🙂

Last night I watched an emotive documentary on the 9/11 attacks. It shook me to the core to hear and see other peoples real – time accounts of the horrific moments that terror struck those twin towers.
It made me think about life. The value of life. What really matters, and what doesn’t count.

For me, it’s about love – giving, receiving and sharing it. Ive ALWAYS craved love and I doubt I will ever successfully over come that craving.
I always believed that to be loved , you must be beautiful. I know how shallow I must sound right now, but this is my blog and I’m gonna have to speak the truth.

At school I was NEVER THE CUTE ONE. I was always the gangly legged, short dumpy person with a tinge of ginge in her hair. At college, I had to pretend I was someone I was (an emo), just to fit in… And then… Suddenly… I got a boyfriend.

Ricardo has been spoken about in other blogs, he was my first boyfriend and we lived together. He thought the world , planets and stars of me. He would constantly tell me how perfect/beautiful/ gorgeouse/cute/sexy I was. I started to believe my own hype.

Then I met the kids dad (see Dj – in “what is love?”). I was a cocky 19 year old. My confidence was through the roof and I believed I was always the most attractive person in the room. Massive ego. But as you all know, he abused me in just about every possible way, and eventually I cracked, developed eating disorders and was a shell of the person I ever was.

Two men, two years apart, I went from one extreme to another.

At 5 foot 2, I’m teeny. When I was with ric I was a healthy 8 stone. By the time dj had finished with his abuse iwas 6.5 stone. Skeletal.
Totally unattractive, spotty, clothes falling off me and chain smoking to high heaven.

I feel sad at those wasted years, I used to sleep in most of the day to avoid eating and to avoid life.

In the past year. I finally feel I have “grown” into myself. I don’t think I’m STUNNING, but I also accept I’m no Munster. I take care of my appearance , I eat a balanced diet and I exercise more than I ever have in my life, I weigh in just under 8 stone (around 7-12) and I don’t think I am above or below anybody else.

I respect and understand that. It takes more than good looks to be successful in life, or to find that unobtainable love of your life 🙂

Beauty isn’t about perfect symmetry. True beauty is about embracing your imperfections , possessing a good soul and a twinkle In your eye.

And I know that I would rather lived happy life than waste it worrying about aesthetic challenges

Ultimately, those who lost there lives in the twin towers, did not know what fate had in store for them that day . People died, committed suicide, had horrific injuries and burns. We should all be blessed to have a life. We owe it to ourselves and heroes of the past , present and future to really OWN our lives and live to the max.

I quit smoking,started again and quit again- never give up trying to do anything that you REALLY wanna do and don’t sweat the small stuff .
Mwah x

Jemma xxxx

The one of me on the loo is me at my skinniest ( I did get skinnier but no pics on phone)
The other two are me – now. Fit , healthy and happy 🙂

Add me on twitter : @barbiedoll_moi

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Good riddance to bad rubbish :)

Published August 21, 2012 by jjjemma

The lying toe rag

So the dj has been issued with a harassment warning … Which means he cannot communicate with me in any way shape or form. The police have been round today to say that he has made a counter-harassment claim against me.
I had to sign a piece of paper saying I would not contact him again – or I will face arrest! Laughable when I am too busy dealing with that CUNTS kids to be bothered about “harassing” a waste of air like him!!
I’ve added the warning to the huge pile of failings the dj from Nottingham has done to me that iv filed under the letter “d” for DICKWAD.
The DNA tests, the court letters from when he strangled me, the silly letter he left the day after he found out I was pregnant with our first child, every single indecent photograph he has ever sent to me etc etc. Yes Mr DJ … I saved them all!!!!! THE POLICE HAVE SEEN YOUR MEDIOCRE COCK PICK WITH TWEED WAISTCOAT ON THAT YOU SENT 3 weeks ago after a coke binge you little DOG.
To be fair to the police officer he was great with me. He even asked what I saw in dj!!! Haha!!! He told me any contact made by dj from now on is to be reported immediately and the scum bag will be arrested. I knew dj would pull something out of his flailing bag of tricks. But I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear 🙂 and that feels fandabidozee !!!!

Apparently he rode over to Leicester police station today on his old motorbike- the one he said he had sold cos he couldn’t afford to keep it (oh *yawn* yet another blag) , for his formal cautioning 🙂

The police officer also told me that dj has been reading my blog as “apparently” (according to dj) I posted the link to my blog on HIS Facebook (the same Facebook that we blocked each other on).
More like- dj stalks my every move and maybe even follows some of my followers under an alias – so that when I changed my twitter @ name , he could just stalk one of my regular folk I chat to to work out my new name —-not brain science. Plus my blog is linked to my twitter.

It doesn’t bother me that he reads my twitter and blog. I bet he hates me more cos he can see I’ve moved on , and ain’t the pathetic sap he moulded me into NO MORE.
The only thing that I do wonder is this: he has had no time for either of my boys since day one- so why waste time voyering on my social networks prickface?

Love to you all (except mr DJ dickwad)
Jemma x

P.s Here is a collection of pics from my amazing year so far

P.p.s : my love for the gym came from my hate I felt for you (to push myself an extra rep or two I think of you naked ewww *retches*

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Crossroads

Published August 20, 2012 by jjjemma

Cross roads

So today’s first blog of the week is about my life (no surprise there!)

I’m at a complete crossroads in my life , professionally and personally.
Last year I trained as a level 2 hairdresser and 2 years prior I was awarded my level 3 in Beauty sciences (all destination levels). I love hair and beauty, but I always thought I’d end up teaching. To teach, would mean going to uni and putting life on hold for 3 years. As the sole parent of two young boys, I can’t imagine juggling them, child care, study, uni and life – not to mention being skint for years.

So I applied to do my level 3 at college in hairdressing. I was told I’d get funding, but now the government has changed legislation which means I may get no help with child care and have to find £800 in study fees – not gonna happen :/

The other option is to go completely self employed and build up a business from nothing. It’s a terrifying leap that I may now be forced into. But I refuse to sit at home for a year on benefits whilst I wait for my youngest to get his government funded child are when he turns 3 . Although I’m sure many single mums wouldnt mind chilling for a year- its not for me. I wouldn’t want to waste a year doing nothing.

So today I’m emailing various salons and oap homes to see if they need a hairdresser. I will do this. I CAN do this.

My personal crossroads is, I’ve decided to come off POF which means – zero dates for me. Will he ever find me?
Plus, my 6 year old is really testing me over the summer holidays. This morning hasnt been a good start to the week. He has been assessed for autism last year and I was told that no – he wasn’t on the autistic spectrum. His consultant doesn’t believe their is anything wrong with him (other than behavioural difficulties) – but that’s mainly because my 6 y/o is a complete angel in front of the doctor.
What concerns me most is that two of my uncles were what was known as then as “backwards” , now called “learning difficulties” – neither can read or write and both have very immature mental ages. My brother has had alot of behavioural difficulties growing up and was never diagnosed with anything.
I’m really praying that the last two years of bad bad behaviour is just “growing pains” and may even be trauma from his dad leaving. The doctors tell me to keep doing what I am doing. The support and advice I’ve received from them is minimal. Sometimes I don’t know the right way to do stuff. Kids don’t come with a manual.

Really this post is abit of a life moan…. Blurb… Oh I don’t know. I’ve got it out now and must continue to push forward.

Success doesn’t happen from being still
Jem x

Ps: I have just been talking with a girl from college and we are meeting Wednesday to talk business ideas and merging, as she has projects lined up 🙂 eeee:) see – it’s not what to know / it’s WHO you know
X

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