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All posts for the month December, 2014

The good dream

Published December 4, 2014 by jjjemma

So last night, I had a dream. The dream has affected me so much that I can barely function since awaking.
Here’s the back story of the person the dream was about.

Jason. I’ve know jase for almost 10 years. When I was a teenager I enjoyed creative writing and poetry and posted a load of my work online. Jason commented a lot on my work and I checked out his (which was amazing btw) and we swapped msn details. He’s tall, lean and mixed race.
We chatted most evenings and struck up a friendship. He was a Leeds guy and had a son who was around 7 years old back then. He was around the same age as my kids dad. When the kids dad came on the scene , and problems began – I opened up to jase and he always have fair advice. In fact if I’d of listened to his advice I’d of not wasted 6 more years on that cunty ex.

Anyway, my kids dad (the dj) was convinced that me and Jason were more than just friends (we wasn’t) and as a result our friendship became muted.
I felt guilty if I spoke to my mate?! How fucked up is that!

As me and the kids dad was always on and off, the dj didn’t turn up to Alfie’s first birthday. Jason did. He drove from Leeds, with a drum cake and was amazing with all my family. He was awesome. I remember at the time people asking if we would ever get together. I was seeing someone else back then and jase was in abit of a destructive relationship.
Years passed, I ended up pregnant by the dj again, Jase and I got back in touch. Jase was travelling around Europe now, acting. He could act, write and sing – a true creative.
When he was back I went upto Leeds and spent a wonderful day with him. He was awesome with Alfie and carried him for me. That was a lovely day.
Jase came down to Leicester, before I had Archie. He was so complementary of my growing body and cooked for me and was genuinely amazing. I could talk to him about anything. He never once tried it on and was always perfect with alfie.
Well, that night the fucking dj turned up and like an idiot I let him in and I let him stay over in my bed. I can only blame my crazy pregnant hormones. The dj had checked my social media and seen Jason had come down, felt jealous, so rocked up!in fact that was the last time I saw the dj until after archie had been born.

I think jase and I always shared a spark but neither acted on it as it was never the right time.
Over the last ten years we’ve probably only met in person 5 times. How crazy is that?
Lifes kept us busy, our paths rarely cross but we always
regroup in the end. The last time I saw Jason in the flesh was after archie was born. He came down to see how I was doing. I’d just turned the dark corner of despair so was in a good place. We had fun, he spent hours building Lego with Alfie and always complemented me on what a good job I was doing with the kids.
Before he left read my tarot cards and lots came up – including that I’d meet a man with a grown up child in around 4 years time.
Archie is now 4.
Last month I it in touch after a while of not talking and said we needed a catch up. He agreed but was in the middle of moving as he’s down in London now and at uni! I promised to contact him this month to sort it out and guess what?! Last night I dreamt of Jason. I wanted Jason. In my dream, we fell in love, admitted out feelings at a train station and kissed. I woke up from the dream and burst into tears.
Jason knows my story, I’ve never held back with any of the damage i’ve been caused by boys as jase was always my confidante. My trusted friend. He knows me from the deepest depths of my heart to the outer most layer of my skin.
I messaged him the day a lighthearted note saying I’d had a dream about him and it reminded me that we need to fix a reunion date.
I have no idea if he’s even seeing someone – he could be madly in love for all I know!
Plus I’ve been saying that boy.

What do
I do?! I feel like I’ve had an epithany!

Jem xxxx