All posts for the month February, 2014

valentines dump

Published February 18, 2014 by jjjemma

Some of you may of read the blog i wrote about the bricky. I deleted it because I apparently got it all wrong and did not want him to read it. Heres a quick summery of what happened….

Early Jan I met a guy off POF. He was 27, tall, blonde hair blue eyes, a brick layer (hence the nickname “bricky”). He had a 2 year old daughter from a long term relationship who he had custody of 50% of the time. He got along really well with his daughters mum. They broke up because he fell out of love with her. She has since found new love and all was good.

After his break up from his baby momma, he got with his friends sister – i nicknamed her “cunty girl” – they were together around 9 months and he told me they had been broken up for around 4 months prior to meeting me. The reason him and cunty girl had split was because she wanted to go travelling and he couldnt because of his kid.

The bricky and cunty girl had loads in common – i discovered this over over 4 weeks on intensive dating.

They sang in a band together (he has since formed a new band, apparently, without her), they both recreationally enjoyed using coke (i’m not into drugs and never have been), they loved visiting new places and sightseeing together, she was a fantastic cook and artist – I am neither.

On our first date (which went really well) he tried to make out that cunty girl was abit of a stalker. He said it a few times and i didnt delve further as I dont like opening the x-files on a first date.


He asked for my surname and i then asked for his – which led to me looking him up on facebook.

I was abit confused as his facebook was quite open and he had tagged cunt girl in recent pictures of him and his kid (she isnt even cunt girls kid) plus he had posted lots of status’s encouraging people to go to cunt girls gigs etc.

I friend requested him the next day and he accepted later that evening. I instantly noticed that he’d removed cunt girls tags and any statuses that he’d wrote about her – abit weird perhaps but i thought maybe he’d done it so I didnt get upset or whatever so I didnt even mention it.

Our second date was a week later, he didnt live in the city so drove over and we went out for a night on the beer. He had every intention of getting a cab home and getting his house mate to drive him over for his car the next day – he ended up staying over at mine after we drank until 5 in the morning and passed out :)

On the second date, we talked about everything and anything. He said that cunty girl had been at his during a house party a few weeks before and when people were leaving she had gone upstairs and got in his bed and fallen asleep…. i was abit taken aback and asked if he told her to leave – he said he left her there. He took photos of us together on his phone and was a total gent just holding my hand and being really easy going about where we were going drinking. He wasnt great at making decisions and said anywhere was fine by him. At 3 am, his phone started to ring. He looked alarmed. I asked who it was and he said it was cunty girl. I told him to answer if he wanted to and he said no as she was probably after a booty call. I was too drunk to care at this point so let it slide.When we eventually got home and in bed he finally kissed me – a perfect first kiss. I promptly fell into my jager coma and woke up with a pounding head the next day. He stayed at mine until early afternoon, just cuddling me and watching crap on the tv.

He text me as soon as he got home and asked if i was ok. I said i was and just felt rough. He said he was worried that id been put off by cunty girl ringing him at stupid o clock. I said no I wasnt and asked if he had heard from her. He replied telling me he had text her as he was fuming that she had been in contact whilst he was out with me and reassured me that he didnt want her and she didnt want him.


The next day, he didnt have work as it was pouring with rain. He asked to take me out for lunch and i said that I had my little man who is 3 with me. He said that it didnt matter to him if i was fine with it. I thought about it and it wasn’t like we were gonna be snogging over lunch – more like 2 mates meeting up so decided to go meet him.

The lunch was great, he was so good with my little boy and we chatted easily and i definitely fancied him more everytime i saw him. He gave me full on butterflies. I’ve been searching for 4 years for these bloody butterflies.

Every single evening we would text or ring and talk for hours about stuff. We both wanted to go amsterdam and he was the first to suggest we go in a few months time if all was still good with us. He told me he defo liked me alot and wanted a girlfriend. He told his mum about me and his friends. Once he started saying things like this I thought it was fine to start telling people about him.

We went cinema together to watch wolf of wall street. Proper date night. This time we held hands throughout the date and I really felt something special between us. Both of us admitted that we didnt want the evening to end.

He had his kid that weekend , but as soon as he had dropped her off he came round to my house to watch dvds on the sofa and we stayed up very late chatting. He seemed abit off and said a few times “we have not much in common” and i asked if him and cunt girl had alot in common and he said yes. I told him I thought it would be fun trying each others hobbies and opposites attract. He ended up staying over. My kids were fast asleep in bed and he had work at 6am so there was no risk of them bumping into him. We kissed lots but never had sex as I felt weird about that with my kids around. He was patient but the next day he said he wished he hadnt stayed around as he was proper frustrated and felt defeated when i refused to shag him!!!! I told him that i felt abit wounded when he said that him and cutn girl had loads in common and that we had nothing in common… he apologised and said sorry for being a nob.

At the weekend he said he had a mates gig to go to in a village, I started poking around on facebook and saw that cunt girl was playing a gig  in the city. My mind started working over time and i wondered if he was gonna go to her gig and not tell me. I wrote a blog about it on here as i was not sure if i should turn up or not. I decided not to and actually he was out with all his mates as they tagged him on a massive night out status on facebook.

We were both drunk texting as i was out with my best mate and he rang me around midnight. He said he was in a taxi on his way over the leicester :))) I HONESTLY COULD OF CRIED I WAS THAT HAPPY!!! 

He met me at the club i was in and spoke to some gay guy that i had befriended, we did shots, danced, sat talking kissing and then went back to mine. We didnt mess around – we went straight up to bed for drunk but amazing sexy time! Ive not done sexy time with anyone i liked this much in over 7 years. This was a big deal. I told him all this and he wasnt put off. It wasnt awkward it was just what it should of been. we woke up the next day and i felt pretty rough again. he had a shower and went downstairs, i had a shower and started getting ready. I started to get dressed and as i was putting my jeans on, he came behind me and started to pull them down. In the stark light of day i had amazing sex for the second time in less that 12 hours! A first in many many years. MY walls were broken down. I was smitten. He was so affectionate with it, kisses , cuddles, everything.

He really opened up to me, he told me about some of the bad fights he got into when he was young and dumb and said that he finds it really hard to get over things – like he gets put off people by the smallest thing. That made me feel reassured. NOT!

I dropped him home late afternoon, in the car on the way back he asked what i was upto for the rest of the day. I said i was gonna pick my boys up and take them bowling. He asked if he could come. This would be a big deal, my eldest in 7 and he isnt stupid. He’s never seen me with a fella. My stomach lurched… was it too soon? It felt right…. shouldnt I just not overthink and follow my heart? I said yes. By the time we’d got to his he was having a hangover relapse and said he would come down in the evening once the boys were asleep as he wanted to be on top form the first time he meets the boys properly.

When i dropped him off, two of his mates came over to my car and were wasted. later the bricky said he didnt invite me in as they were coked up!!!

That night, the bricky came over, i’d had a shower so told him to help hisself to a drink whilst i dried my hair off upstairs. Unbeknown to me, my kids had woke up and gone downstairs to greet him . Hashtag; Awkward.

Again, the bricky didnt seem phased at all and later told me that my eldest had ran over and hugged him. Thats alfie all over – so warm hearted and accepting of new people. I put the kids bed and we ordered a pizza. The pizza came and the order was wrong. The bricky switched, he started to get angry at the pizza guy and his whole voice changed. I said it was my fault as i had placed the order and diffused the situation. We ate and went bed. Obviously when we woke up the next day the kids knew he’d stayed over but I didnt really mind as I was still really happy. I’d gone from the girl who claims she hates cuddling to full on spooning the bricky all night long. I loved it. I knew I was beginning to fall for him.

 I was trying to fight this as I knew once I fall I am opening myself up to being hurt.

He then suggested that we go and watch the lego movie, him, myself and the boys. I said ok. Alfie, my 7 year old held his hand on the way to the cinema and my heart actually melted. We went back to mine and he played on the floor building lego with my kids. I looked at this man and literally melted. 

The next night he called and said he thought I should cook for him so I did and made him spag bol. Everyone loves my spag bol, my kids and my folks eat it right up when i cook it. The bricky stood critiquing everything i did and as we were eating it he said hed of made it spicier etc. I tried to let it go over my head as I couldnt be bothered to get into a discussion about spag bol.

Last Weds he said he was coming over to cook for me. When he arrived I was finishing off some work emails as I am self employed. We poured some wine, I kissed him and asked if he needed me to help with the cooking? He said no and so I quickly finished my work whilst he cooked. As soon as dinner was ready, I stopped and closed my laptop down. We sat and ate and it was a lovely dinner. He’d made a fucking mess of my kitchen though and just left the mess to me. Instead of wasting our time together cleaning I just left it to do the next day so i could sit with him. We watched a film of his choice. We went to bed and it felt right so we made the sex. The 3rd and last time but I just didnt know it yet.

He went to work and i thought i wouldnt see him again unti this week as it was his weekend with his little girl. I didnt really expect anything for valentines day as he said he hates cheesy shit like that – I did tell him I love all the flowers and shit though.

Thursday afternoon I got a text off of him which made my heart absolutely burst with happiness and suprise. He told me he had got his mum to babysit so we could do something  :))) He had band practise that evening so I left him to it, but he didnt text again. Not even to say goodnight which he had done every night since the very first day we met.

I tried not to get wound up so just went to bed feeling abit narked.

I woke up the next morning fully expecting a text as I knew he was at work from 6 am. Nothing. Its friday. Its valentines day. What the actual fuck.

At 10 am i got a text off him saying ” morning cheeky, happy valentines day babe, I hope you get spoilt by your boyfriend :) xxx”

ok abit sarcy / playful.

So I sent one back saying ” morning hun, happy v day too! glad youre alive and i’m sure my bf would spoil me if i had one xxx”



an hour later he replied ;”alive?”

i sent one back saying ” yeah i didnt hear off you from 4pm yest i was worried”

he left it almost 6 hours (he never goes that long during the day between texts) to reply “really?”

It was 4 pm on Valentines day. I was upset, dissapointed and really very pissed off. I left him to stew for abit. an hour later he text again saying “fair enough then”.

I asked him what exactly he wanted me to say.

He then turned it on me by saying he didnt understand why I was being like this???

So, I asked him if it was unfair of me to be abit upset that i didnt hear off himthe previous night?

In my defence – a 2 second text saying night bbe  would of been fine. He wasnt thinking of me. I clearly wasnt on his mind like he was on mine.


He then sent a text back saying yes it is wrong for me to be feeling upset and that he felt I was constantly having a pop at him (WHAAAATTTT???)

I then explained that he knew it was a big thing introducing him to my kids and if it was moving too fast he should of said.

He twisted my words and said i was putting too much pressure on “us”. He said it should be easy but wasnt because of me

I tried to diffuse it all y saying it was easy and that i just said i was upset that i didnt hear off of him  and now he is making it into a massive thing.


He then said the words no girl wants to hear – especially on valentines day – “forget it”.

I immediately replied “forget the argument or us?”

He replied saying im giving him shit and the fact that we are arguing is no good.

I explained that i’d assumed this was the start of a relationship – cuddling in bed, meeting my kids, discussing holidays???

He then  at  8.10pm on valentines evening said “lets not fall out over text can i come over to talk?”

At this point my mate had come over and we were eating a takeaway slagging men off 

I told him i was with my mate  and to come over when she had gone.  He said to ring him when i was free. As my friend was leaving he tried to ring me twice. I rang him straight away once she had left as he’d sent me a text saying “WHY ARE YOU NOT PICKING UP!!!!”

That phonecall ended us.

We both said hi in very flat defeated tones. I could hear pissed up people in the background of wherever he was. His attitude was present in his voice.He immediately said he wasnt coming over to talk now as it was too late. I started to calmly talk and he was shouting “no no no” over the top of me. I asked him if i could please talk without being spoken over as we were both adults… he replied ” one of us is an adult”


I snapped. I told him I couldnt believe that he had ruined our valentines day. I pointed out that he was the one whjo initiated 90% of our meetings and that if it was going too fast then it was because of him. I cant even remember what he said but i remember him sounding like he was spitting venom and he swore. We traded insults and he told me to go fuck my friend and hung up.


Had he been on the coke? I had never heard him like this before.

I sent him a text once id calmed down and said ” wow , you sounded wasted. If i wasnt put off before, then i am now”

He replied agreeing that he was put off me too and said lets just leave it.

I went to bed feeling horrible. I cried myself to sleep. The wankiest valentines day of my fucking life. It was supposed to be the best one id ever had – with a gorgeous guy who i’d been seeing alot of .

The next day I woke up. Looked at my phone screen and saw nothing. No texts, fuckk all.

I went to work and then to pick my kids up. As I was driving to a play zone my phone started to ring. It was him. I answered and put him on loudspeaker. I told him I didnt want another argument as I had my kids. He said fine and apologised about last night. He then asked if we can still be friends?



I tried to keep my cool and said whats the point as we wont bump into each other again. He said he’d like to as im a nice girl and that we just arent matched and are both too vollatile together. Blah blah blah.

He said he wasnt wasted the night before and that he’d sat in his room whilst his housemate cooked a meal for his gf and then he went to get a kebab which is when i called him.

I dunno if i believe that or even if it even matters now. I told him he needed to collect his dvds and bits he’d left at mine afte 7.30 pm once my kids were in bed and he said he would do that sunday night. I told him i had to go as i could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

I’m crying as i write this.

I felt so fucking defeated at that moment. I had to keep a fake smile on my face for my kids and then had to tell my foks and friends it was over across the weekend that has just passed.

Sunday I sent a text asking why he removed tags of cunty girl on his facebook before he added me … and do you know what??? HE BLATANTLY DENIED IT AND MADE OUT LIKE I HAD INVENTED IT ALL IN MY HEAD!!!!!

Sunday evening came and went. He didnt collect his stuff. He didnt even bother to text me to let me know he wasnt going too.


Monday I whatsapped him during the day and he ignored it.

Last night my best mate and me took some pics of his stuff and sent them over to him via whatsapp – funny film titles that represent him “jackass” etc and he actually replied and started off jokily saying haha.

I asked him about his stuff and he said for me to keep the dvds. I asked for the real reason that he ended it between us and he said its because i am too jealous and I invented the cunty girl tags on his facebook and that it scared him!!!(they were there I am not a liar or an inventor of drama). He said he doesn’t want someone like me basically.

I told him that it was pretty shitty to dump me via text especially as during one of our chats when we was together he said he would never end things with someone that way.

The last whatsapp I had off him was “sorry”.

Today I woke up and felt like fog was hovering over me. A black cloud. How can one man of affected me so much?? Yes we only knew each other a month or 6 weeks if you included the msging  beforehand. He made it more intense by inviting himself over so much. He said on our second date that he knew I had walls and that he wanted to be the guy to break them down.

I dropped my guard. I took the scary leap of faith and let myself start to fall for someone despite all his faults. I felt a connection and I demolished the walls. I’m having a pretty hard time trying to pick the broken  pieces up and fix them back together. I would never in a million years of believed someone could break me in such a short space of time. He doesnt care. He’s turned away and defo wont look back. I feel stupid and pathetic. I’ve drank wine every night since valentines day and  am trying to pretend to everyone that i am ok. But when I wake up alone and go to bed alone all I can think of is him. He is consuming my thoughts and affecting my emotions. I do know it will get better and thats why I am writing this blog. I hope in a few weeks I read back and thank the stars I had a lucky escape.

I dont regret meeting him. I dont regret letting my guard down, but I do regret ignoring the warning signs – there was so many and I havent time to list them all on here.

I dont know if it was my fault. All i know is I got hurt and he didnt.


Sorry for typos or errors anywhere but I cant be dicked to check through right now.