The Big Lie

Published September 23, 2013 by jjjemma


Me again…

I’m sitting here , bewildered. The past week has been a whirlwind.

I focussed my attentions on a new dating website “Tinder”. It is a bit like hot or not… you like or bin the men and if you both “like” each other then a chat option opens up, where you can chat etc.

This is how I came to know James. I’m naming this man as I really don’t know what else to do.

James’ avi was of him in a tight white T-shirt, cap and sunnies on and MASSIVE arms. He messaged me first with the compliment of “I love your tattoo”. We got talking and it was pretty much on from the word go. He was polite, educated, fit and very complimentary of me. He told me he was 26, own place, a PE teacher and played rugby a few times a week. James said he was very new to the whole “tinder” thing. He lived in a nearby village to myself and worked in the same area that I lived. The day after we began talking he asked me out for a drink. I liked that he didn’t wanna chat load before meeting so we exchanged numbers and he promised to buy me half a shandy on Friday night 😉

Wednesday to Friday he was texting and whatsapping me most of the day (even at work – a school). He repeatedly said he was looking forward to our date friday and he told me he admired me for being a strong single mother with my own business. No games. He wouldn’t play the “wait 5 mins and reply” thing.

He went a bit quiet thursday night – but when he finally did text he said he’d been at his mum and dads house – REMEMBER THIS AS ITS KEY!

Friday came and at 5 pm I had to have a lay down as i had a migraine. I text to arrange a later time and he was absolutely lovely about it. I was still very late turning up for my date (by 40 minutes), but he didn’t seem fazed at all. I walked into an upmarket bar in town there stood James at the bar. Great physique , over 6 foot tall, fabulous dress sense and waiting for me with a drink in his hand! BINGO! My nerves disappeared instantly. We went and sat down and chatted away and had a few drinks. During this time I asked him lots about himself as he knew lots about me already from our text conversations. He asked what I wanted to know and i replied “everything”.

He told me that he used to be a builder and his mate was a PE teacher so he retrained via an open university thing and as his mate left the job, he recommended James for the job and he got it. I asked “didn’t you have to do your PCGE thing to teach” and he said no. He doesn’t work in a mainstream school, he works in a school for disruptive kids that get expelled from regular schools. Fair play, I thought.

He then said he’d done some travelling for a year – Vegas, Thailand, Australia etc…In hindsight he said that he wished he had done it in smaller time frames so that he didn’t have to watch his money etc.

He’d been with a girlfriend for 4 years. I asked when they broke up? 18 months ago he said and he’s just sold the house they bought together to pay her off and is using his sum to do up a new house he’s put an offer in for. In the meantime he is staying with his mate. I had no reason to distrust anything he was saying. He was very straight to the point and didn’t use closed body language etc. He seemed really relaxed in my company as was I in his…

I asked about his mum and dad and he said that they lived very near to me. He then cursed and said “I don’t know why i always say mum and dad as my mums gone. She died a few months ago”.

I felt fairly gutted for him at that point. He is 26 and that’s too young to lose your mum. I didn’t pry too much as i obviously didn’t want him to cry on our first date. He said his dad is so lost and that he doesn’t like going round to the house anymore as his dad needs to learn to live without being surrounded by people all of the time.

He asked why i was single – I told him straight “because I am picky”, he laughed and said he best be on top form tonight then. I asked him why he has been single for 18 months – I mean, James is a fit, gorgeous independent man. He’s a catch!!!! I’d go as far to say he is the best looking man who I have ever dated. He told me that most of his pals had started families and were settled so he doesn’t go out often and doesn’t really like to try to “pull” chicks in bars.


He asked if we were gonna get drunk, I told him hell yes! I knew I wouldn’t sleep with him and I know my limitations with booze, but it was Friday night and I had an absolute HUNK on my arm!

We went to a cocktail bar which is my fave place. We had 3 cocktails in there – He payed and whilst at the bar he put his hand on the small of my back protectively as it was rammed with people. I’d had a drink and asked if he minded that I go outside to smoke. I told him I wouldn’t if he didn’t like it. This perfect man I had found on tinder laughed and said he didn’t mind at all and led me to the smoking area. Nothing was an issue for him, he was funny and laid back. His phone kept going off and i jokingly said it was his wife and 10 kids. He laughed and said no it was his mate.Some random man came up to us and started talking to James about Rugby as its fairly obvious from his body and size that he plays, whilst he was being polite and making conversation with the stranger he placed his hand on my arm and smiled. I liked it. I liked him.

It was getting late but neither of us wanted to go home so he suggested another bar and off we went. En route, I heard someone screech “Jemmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”. It was 2 of my good friends and party girls – we were all a bit tipsy and I turned to James and said “this was not planned”!!! He smiled and said it was alright and we all went to the next bar together. We got a drink and sat down and my friends joined us and started taking lots of photos of us. At this point myself and James were quite tipsy. We didn’t care. He told me that i was “perfect” and then kissed me so perfectly I actually could have kissed him all night. I’ve never been that instantly attracted to anyone in my whole life.

I went to the ladies and he sat with my mates and when I came back and my mates went off to dance he said he really liked my friends and that they were funny. We were constantly touching hands, and if we wasnt holding hands he was stroking my leg. It all felt very natural and I was really chuffed with myself. We did some shots of jager and took more pictures. We all wanted to go to a club and off we went, myself, James and friends in tow.

We got to the club, James and myself spent some alone time chatting some more, kissing lots and having really good banter. James phone was going off and he kept texting whoever it was back. He told me it was his mate who was also out in town but didn’t want to come to the club.Again, he told me how perfect I was and then he said “I don’t know why you like me, I’m ugly”



James is gorgeous and the opposite of ugly. I found it a bit strange that he didn’t have much confidence. He said his ex had cheated on him and said some pretty nasty stuff and that the comments had stuck. I told him that it’s a load of rubbish and that he is gorgeous.

He has the same music taste as me and even dragged me to the dance floor to dance with me and my mates. More kissing on the dance floor happened.

At about 1.30am , He said that he was going to go as his mate was leaving town soon and he wanted to taxi share with him (the village he lives in would have cost £25+ to get home in a cab alone). I was happy with the night we had. He was kissing me lots and saying “I DEFINITELY wanna see you again, I mean it, make sure you let me know you got back ok etc”.

I carried on partying with my mates for a bit and then went home.

James had text as he had got in saying he loved tonight and put 6 kisses on the text 🙂

I was excited about this one.

Smug even.

The next morning I woke up about 9am and was a bit disappointed to not have any texts off of him. Like a paranoid twat, I went onto Tinder and saw that James had been “active” 20 minutes ago. My stomach dropped but i refused to think the worst.

An hour and a half later he text to say he had just got up. Now even though I knew it was a blatant lie, I didn’t want a friction after such a good date. So I asked if he really did have a good time last night…



after 3 hours I was completely feeling sick, so I sent him a further text just saying “you sure know how to make a girl feel paranoid!”

About an hour later my phone rang. James. My heart flipped and I answered and he immediately launched into an explanation of how he’d accidentally disabled his iPhone and it had just unlocked. I was so relieved! I told him that it was very sweet of him to ring and admitted that I was having post date horrors. He laughed and took the piss and said he”d text later.

Proper relived and glad he called 😉

He text me that night (saturday) at 6pm and said he couldnt wait to see me again. I replied saying me too and asking him how his day had been. No reply. I left it at that as I didnt wanna be a nob. At 10pm I text him a lighthearted text saying that he is a lightweight and clearly hungover in bed. No reply again.


I went to bed feeling shite.

I woke up early sunday morning and checked Tinder again – The fucking cunt had been online again!!!!

I sent him a message saying that I got the hint and that i’d seen he’d been online and not even bothered to text me.

He text straight back saying “Dont be daft!! You are prob right most of the time but not this time! I’ve just woken up. I really wanna see you gain??? I loved the other night. I am into you ”

I asked if he thought i was stupid and told him at this point I feel like there is something he is not being honest about.

I had a feeling in my gut and my gut is never wrong.

He replied saying he had fallen asleep at 7pm last night and had woken up early and been on tinder to look at my pics again. He then said “I have no idea why you like me, but i do like you”.

I told him to stop being daft and that I think he is gorgeous and that I just dont want to be messed around.

He replied saying “you are georgeous, i’m just a normal bloke. I will not lie to you. I want to see you asap”

He asked when i was free again and I said most nights if I could sort a sitter for the kids. I asked when he was free. He replied “every night”. I then asked him “what about your rugby training?” . He said “oh yeh! I’m useless, prob can’t do Tues night then”

He forgot he has rugby training?? Okay then.

I asked what he was doing with his sunday?

No reply.

3 hours later he sent me a text saying “might of accidentally been to the pub”

I replied joking that he is a lightweight and asked what he was upto.

No reply.

I was sick to fucking death at this point.

4 hours later I sent him a text saying ” I’m getting bored already, cant be doing with these long silences”.

He text straight back saying “dont like long silences do we? Not one bit. You ok? Why do I keep looking at your pics? xxx”



i asked him straight “why do you not reply when I text?”

– a legit question considering during the run up to the date he was replying and striking up convo’s with me constantly.

he replied…

“I havent told uyou but my mum is in hospital at the moment. Cancer and really ill. I’ve been to see her and left my phone in the car, sorry”



I text him saying that but in a nicer way.


I was livid. I started shaking. He’s just said a massive lie.

He said his mum had died 2 months ago and that he’d been in the pub all afternoon and now he’s saying shes alive, but ill and he’s not been pub , he’s been to the hospital????


i text him again asking for an explanation. Nothing.

I asked him via text if everything was a lie?

No reply.

I tried to call his phone. It went to voicemail after ringing out.

I searched for him on Facebook and found his profile. I looked on his friends list for any family with his surname – NONE. He has a brother and a sister. NOTHING.

I went to bed last night feeling shaken and upset.

Why lie? He has got everything going for him? Was it all a lie? Has he got a personality disorder???

The not knowing meant I had a shit nights sleep.

This morning, I woke up to a text from him saying” Fucking hell, just seen all your texts. Yeah my mum has died. My step mum is ill too. I’m not a liar. If youre not interested thats fine but don’t go mad at me”

I replied: “Youre lying. So your dad got a new partner just a couple of months after losing your mum and now you call her your mum?? Are you even a teacher? Everything you say doesnt add up???”



i text him a few more times asking why he has lied and why isnt he bothered about correcting me if I am wrong?

He replied one last time this morning saying ” I’m not sure how you have made up your mind about me already.All I can tell you is I havent lied and why the fuck would I when I’ve only just met you?


I text him asking if his dad had met a new woman then and now she has cancer? I told him I was giving him the opportunity to correct me.

No reply.

I rang the school that he said he worked at posing as a “street dance tutor”. I needed to know if his teaching job was a lie. Luckily the office said they couldn’t transfer me as the system was down and to ring back later. He is a PE teacher. So why lie about the mum?


Has he got a girlfriend?

He’s just moved out of the house he had with his ex who he split up with allegedly 18 months ago.


He’s not replied and i’ve sent him a message saying i’m deleting his number and how gutted I am that he didnt even offer me an explanation.. He hasnt replied to that either.


I’m beyond gutter. And totally baffled.

Pics below of me and him on our first and last date 😦


Any opinions appreciated


Jem xx








6 comments on “The Big Lie

  • Oh My God!
    Good thing you trusted your gut instincts because there is definitely something wrong with this guy. He owes you a proper explanation but he doesn’t seem willing so forget and move on.
    I’m sorry you found another dick head.

  • I’m starting to wonder, are there any good men left out there?! There appears to be no benefit to him lying, nothing to gain. I just wish they could satisfy their desires to play games without messing with our heads!! Good luck on your journey to finding ❤.

    • Thank you Hun! I really am wondering what happened to all the good guys – older ones have emotional baggage and play so many games so I switched to trying younger guys… They are all the same xx

  • Sounds like he was playing the field and couldn’t remember who he had told what lie to. Probably texts loads ot the current person he is trying to fish in, then when he’s been on a date (read ‘ego-stroke’) he eases off the throttle. Twat. Well rid, and good on you for trusting your gut. There will be someone out there, and your gut is so right, if you are feeling anxious it is for a reason – so you can sift out the crap quicker to find that golden nugget xx

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