All posts for the month February, 2013


Published February 17, 2013 by jjjemma

I don’t get mad. I get even.

Earlier today on Twitter, I jumped on the trending topic :

I then tweeted:
“I took a piss in #oneofmyexes cuppa and gave it him with a smile”

#truestory πŸ‘πŸ˜·πŸ˜œ

Who was it?! The only man who made me mental – The Dj

This is the guy who STOLE my leathers from MY house for his new shag piece.
Cheated on me with numerous younger and older females.
Physically assaulted me on a few occasions.
Spat in my face.
Drove off and abandoned me 50 miles from my house in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere – because I’d found him out AGAIN!!
Hid my “revealing” clothes.
Made me DNA test Alfie.
REFUSED to be put on his boys birth certificates without DNA tests first.
Made me homeless and penniless at 7months pregnant , because I found out he was cheating YET AGAIN.

And more recently, dissolved his VERY successful company in order to dodge paying maintence via the CSA.

Maintenance for the two boys he refuses to acknowledge even EXISTING.

Why didn’t I leave him after the first round of him cheating and being abusive, I hear you ask??
My only answer to this is – I was young.
The DJ was my second boyfriend and 10 years my senior. I was 18 when I met him – 25 when I escaped the abuse. I grew up. I became a woman. I realised that the relationship we had was abnormal, broken and destructive in every way. It had evolved into a TOTAL game. He admitted to manipulating me back in my teenage years. In the end, he walked as he saw that I had grown up. I let him walk without a fight because I was pregnant with our second baby. In addition, i knew the vicious circle of hating each other and creating innocent lives would never cease unless I let him leave me.

Best thing I ever did! I spread my wings and grew into a person I didn’t think I was capable of being!

But before I let the cunt go, I got my own kind of revenge…
Here are some of my favourites.
πŸ’₯Pissed in tea- the lazy twat would always sleep half the morning away, this gave me ample time to take a piss in his cup and stew the piss with a tea bag and some milk! 😷
He had returned home the previous night after doing a disappearing act for almost a week. I smiled as I handed him his cuppa in bed and watched as he drank his warm wee beverage πŸ‘

πŸ’₯Spat In his tea – contaminating his tea became my favourite revenge on DJ. I think he had been a mardy twat all morning and we hasn’t slept together for almost a month. He kept saying he was skint and used my credit card for his vehicle tax online. He was minted. So, I spat in his tea when he refused to pay me back. Simples 😷

πŸ’₯Would regularly tell him that his wiener was diddy! I made him have such a bad complex about it that he couldn’t even get it up with ANYONE!

πŸ’₯If I ever cooked and dropped food in the floor he had it. πŸ“πŸ‘πŸ²πŸŽ
That was standard – I must stress, all of these revenge activities only occurred AFTER the DJ had screwed numerous ladies and abused me mentally and physically for several years.

πŸ’₯Laxatives in his tea – this was my favourite. Basically, Mr DJ would tell me that I wasn’t allowed to ask him when I would see him next (apparently I was being a “nagging bitch” if I dared to inquire when I’d see him again!)
I actually went out and bought some laxatives for this revenge method.
This was my last bit of fun before he fucked off. The DJ had lied and said he was going on a stag do to Amsterdam. He made the mistake of phoning me up fucked on mushrooms during his stay and putting the girl who he had actually took away on the phone!!! CUNT!!!
So, I got the pestle and mortar out, crushed up 4 laxatives a day and put the poo powder in EVERY beverage I made him. Luckily, he’d only come home once or twice a week so I’d never see him shitting his pants or anything equally as grim.

Now, I know I may seem mental for doing all of the above – and my only defence is : I WAS MENTAL! Thanks to him πŸ˜‚

I’m not now. I’m ridiculously boring. So fear not if I ever offer you a hot drink or some cheese on toast! 😜

Love Jem xxx



Pancake day!!!

Published February 10, 2013 by jjjemma

2 weeks ago, I got drunk and rang boyband. We got on really well on the phone, banter and he sounded lovely. He even said I sounded nice after and thought I wasn’t a nutter anymore… but then stopped talking after a few days … It just sloped off. 😦

So then last Monday we arranged to have coffee sometime over the next week… The. Conversation sloped off again. I didn’t mind. I knew he was busy with work and my week was pretty hectic with college and the kids.

So, Friday night… Went out with my pals. Lots of shots and drinks and dancing. I literally fell in love with the Dj when he played a 5ive,b*witched melody – a nod towards the telly box show I LURVE “the big reunion”.
Anyways, we were rapping along to 5ive tunes (we were surprised at how much we remembered!!!), having a quality night.

I danced with folk, even had a chat to a lovely lad called Adam – but he was very shy and said he had no kids , then later admitted to having a son but not ever seeing him πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘Žβœ‹ BYEEEEEEE

Now, I’m not sure why it happened, maybe I was drunk / waiting to long at the bar / having a moment… But I text boyband!!!

Fuck. My. Actual. Life.

At 2.21am (why would I even of thought he was awake at this time?!)
I text him saying:
“You are weird”

Lucky for me that’s all I text cos I could of wrote so much more- I’m the girl who yells abuse at taxi drivers when I’m drunk. If I feel they are driving too fast, I will shout obscenities for them playing “god” and comprising my life”

πŸ˜“ I’m basically , a nob!

When I woke up, hunger over to FUCK, Saturday morning. I checked my phone and saw a message from “boyband” , waiting to be opened. Horror overcame me. I thought he might of actually had enough of my silly mental crap.

His message read:
Awww thank you 😊 so very complimentary lol.

Sorry I am rubbish at times I know. 😳πŸ’₯πŸ”«xx

Aww! πŸ˜‹ He was kind! And we’ve arranged the coffee (which has now turned into lunch) for Tuesday!

I’m excited to meet this one! He’s very funny and I guess him being all cool has kept me interested – which is a rarity as I usually find boredom-central with fellas v. Rapidly!

So , pancake day will be the day that I get to report back on mr gorge boyband πŸ™‚

Laters πŸ’‹πŸ˜‚