I added a man off of “POF” onto my facebook a few months ago.
he seemed nice enough and of course was very complimentary. We spoke a few times but i was busy and my mum was away so we didnt speak again. one morning I woke up to a messege in my inbox from this dude (see screen grabs at the bottom of this blog post)
Anyway – the messages made me laugh so much that I decided to give this guy a chance. We’ll call him psycho boy. You’ll see why in abit! We arranged to meet last night. I was in Coventry all day yesterday and I didn’t hear from him – we’d arranged the date via Facebook and swapped numbers but not had any banter or anything! So I text asking if we could skip dinner and meet abit later for drinks as I had to get kids to my mums etc. Over an hour and a half later he replied! Saying yes that’s fine. So I raced around like a CUNT, sorting the kids and getting ready. I walked into the bar and saw him instantly. He was short, he looked a combination of two of my ex’s : the Dj and Ricardo the Portuguese puppy love. He was short , dark hair , and was wearing converse style pumps and a black ribbed jumper for a Saturday night date. I expected shoes and a t shirt – smart fucking casual! Anyway! I decided that as I was out already I was gonna just enjoy his company.
He didn’t compliment me and seemed abit cold. Maybe he was nervous.
So , he got me a few drinks, we traded bad date stories – he had a few. Turns out he was a regular “pof-er”. He had had numerous shite dates with weird women. I ledd most of the conversations and started most topics. He was pleasant enough but he attitude was abit off… For example, he said he went out with an ugly bird and used her for “practise” for his next date, and then he said his ex whom he had kids with wasn’t entitled to half the house the shared, even tho she had his kids and was with him 7 years? 👎 We Spoke about our kids. Then he asked if I wanted anymore and I said no I didn’t think so.😱
Anyway, after a couple of drinks went to another bar and we had a couple more drinks- then I asked about his ex. He told me he was still married after a year and a half of break up (didn’t tell me that before) ,also he has his kids 70% of the time (again,didn’t think to tell me this before) and went on a mad rant about his mental ex and how much she cheated on him for about 20 mins. I sat there literally thinking – what the actual fuck. I was watching his mouth twisting during his rant and blurring out most of it.
It was awk! But he was totally fine with his rant and then finished it off by saying he’d had the snip (vasectomy!) just before he found out his wife was a serial bitch cheat! – his words!
And!! He said he’d get it reversed – ewww! 😩
Anyway , I suggested we have a shot ( I fooking needed one) -we had a Sambucca and then we went to sit down again, so I put my jacket on and said I was going to the toilet .
I went loo and it was about 50 meters away from where the psycho was sitting so I’d never be able to escape unnoticed. Plus we were upstairs in a bar and I was in skyscraper heels so he’d easily catch me walking out. In hindsight, I should of just said “this really isn’t going to work” and left, however, I’m too bloody nice to be able to say it to his face, so decided to do a runner. Yes, I am a wimp!!! 😑
Luckily I got in the loo and 2 young girls were in there who had been dancing near us.
I literally interrupted there convo – quickly explained that my date was a fail and that I needed someone to shield me so I could get out.
They KNEW my date as he drinks in their local and they said he was a WIERDO. Luckily these females were tall and I am short so it worked perfectly!! They shielded me to the staircase and I legged it!! They were waving at me as I ran down 52 steps to the exit and blew me kisses!!! I ❤girls like that!!!
Once outside, I walked pretty damn fast and was lookin for a taxi. I ended up walking through town and then some old black dude (he looked like the “oracle” from The Matrix) started talking to me asking for a fag – gave him one and he asked why I was alone. At this point I was laughing and told him I’d ran from a bad date. He then said he was homeless and had no luck with girls. He asked for my number and I said yes as I just wanted to get away. Again, me being a wimp! To be honest I’d had a fair bit to drink and didnt want to piss off a homeless person, ESPECIALLY when I was on my own in town at 1am! By this point I was walking past a club and there was a taxi rank. He didn’t have a phone as he was homeless so he went off to find a pen! Haha- I wasn’t gonna give him my number btw I just didn’t wanna make the homeless guy get angry and kill me or something. Anyway I was about to hail a cab and homeless guy grabbed me and said a girl had offered her liquid eyeliner so I could write my number on his arm!!!
I quickly scrawled a fake number on his arm , whilst I was doing this – the lovely female who’d leant the liquid eyeliner was asking wtf was I doing giving the homeless man my number and why I was alone – I quickly told her about my date disaster whilst standing outside the club and said I was going home.
She said her mate had pulled in the club and asked me if I wanted to go in with her. Ditched the homeless dude and went in the club! She was a quality girl! She looked abit like Kelly Osborne, edgy and funky style. Her name was Odette. I didn’t pay to get in the club, as i have a hand tattoo that looks abit like the stamps you get when you enter a club. So I flashed that and walked in for FREE!! Bonus 😊 We were dancing,drinking and doing shots. Then we went for a fag. A fit man came and asked for a light. His mates had left him and he was from near London. Odette asked what his name was, and he said “guess”, so we both guessed and I got it right!!! He was so shocked! I asked how old he was next, and again, he said “guess”. I said “21”? RIGHT AGAIN! We was all laughing and joking and he was HAWT! I’ve posted a pic below cos I dont think i could do him justice in a description. So he came in the club and after some more drinks and dancing he pulled me to one side and he was proper smitten with me! He couldn’t believe I was 28 and had 2 kids ,he kept shaking his head and saying he couldn’t believe he’d met me. He asked me to go back to his hotel after a few racy snogs, on the dance floor, against a wall and on a sofa in a booth at the club. I told him I was frigid hahaha- and I wouldn’t go back to his hotel – he said that made him like me more.His battery had died as he took it out to take my number,so he rang his phone off mine & left himself a voicemail telling himself to call me as I was the fittest girl he’d ever seen! 😘
Then he found himself on Facebook on my phone and friend requested himself! He kissed me a million times! I was SO tempted to go back to his hotel!!! I’ve not felt tempted before last night! I could defo feel something tempting pressing against my body as we kissed! I proper felt 16 again 😍 I was laughing telling him he’d be mortified for snogging an OAP tomorrow. He frowned – I remember actually telling him off :- “don’t frown, you look much more attractive when you smile” .
Got in at 4.30am he put me in a taxi and paid 🙂
But what happened to psycho boy i hear you cry?!!
Well, i had 8 missed calls from him and several texts ranging from concerned, to worried, to angry, to totally schizo!! His last text to me was “i deserve a reason for you just leaving, tonight has gone from the best night of my life – to the worst”
I did reply, last night, and said “I’m sorry but you ranted about your ex too much ”
And that was that! I deleted him quick time from Facebook this morning! And whilst I was on there I saw that the Fit boy had accepted my friend request and Odette had added me on there too! at 11am I got a messege from fit boy asking for my number and i gave him it. It probably wint go anywhere as he is so young and lives an hour and a half away, but it was fun!
-and it sure put a smile on my face!!!