All posts for the month December, 2012

Goodbye 2012, I can’t wait to smash your brother – 2013

Published December 31, 2012 by jjjemma

Here’s my first vlog! Scared shit filming yourself! #nolikey! :
my New Years messege


A good date!!

Published December 30, 2012 by jjjemma

The Best Date. Ever.

Considering I always blog about all my recent bad dates, I have been thinking today of all the GOOD dates I’ve been on.
So today I am going to tell you about the best date of my life.πŸ‘
You are probably all expecting flash cars, squandering money and posh surroundings.. but no. This date was not that. This date is one date that I will always look back upon as an amazing example of when things go good.

I met this guy via MSN – back in the olden days when it was cool to IM people you don’t know and abuse randoms when drunk with friends (or was that just me who did that?). I used to write a lot of poetry and publish it on my blog space via MSN. This guy had read some and we chatted randomly on MSN. This was around 8 years ago, I was 20 and was constantly in an on/off relationship with my children’s father (see DJ 😑)
Anyways during an “off” period with Dj, MSN Man asked me out for some drinks. I was 19 , he was 24. We met in a bar in town. He was tall, fair (not my usual type) and extremely gorgeous. He was a proper mans man – abit rough round the edges. We had a few drinks, got on really really well and it was like we had known each other forever. He told me he wanted to settle and couldn’t find a girl who also wanted to settle – KERCHING!!!❀

The night slipped away, it was about 1 am and we found ourselves in a tiny bar drinking whiskey and cokes, followed by concoctions of shots that I had never had in my life. We were laughing, joking and flirting – it was all just so easy! He suggested we go on to a club – which at this point I was more than up for as I was wasted (as was he). We were both hungry and decided to nip in McDonalds en route to the club. Now, as we crossed the road we were trying to trip each other over and were basically being drunk idiots. I was running away when he slurred “Jemma. Wait!!!” I stopped and turned around, when my eyes eventually focussed on him he was staggering across the road towards me, pointing at me, saying “i’m going to kiss you.” I was giggling and shouted “Well hurry up then” – and thats what he did…
…In the middle of the road, pissed as newts, he grabbed me and we had the BEST kiss of my life (I am actually smiling recalling this). It wasn’t a sloppy, lazy kiss, it was gentle and soft and meaningful. I guess you could say we had a “moment”.😘πŸ’₯πŸ’«πŸŒŸ
We went to a club in town, found a quiet corner where we sat talking and drinking and kissing for the last hour. When we went to get taxis, there were NONE! So we started walking through town towards mine, as I lived on the outskirts of the City centre anyway. We randomly found an abandoned shopping trolley and without warning, he picked me up and put me in it and pushed me all the way up the hill to my flat! We were laughing so hard the whole time. When we got to my door, he picked me back out of it, cuddled me and kissed me before telling me he’d had an amazing night.

What a perfect night that was!

Unfortunately, I was young and a total twat. I was so obsessed with my then future kids dad at the time, that when DJ begged me back (as he always did) a few days later, I didn’t give MSN Man a second thought! I got back with the DJ idiot and then got pregnant with our first child, Alfie.

MSN Man was NEVER pushy and we remained good friends. When I was 8 months pregnant with Alfie, I moved out of the home i’d shared with DJ (we lived together 7 weeks before I discovered numerous naked picture messages on his phone to his ex / randoms and customers). πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘ŠπŸ‘Š

I moved into my new place and MSN Man wanted to meet me to cheer me up as I felt horrendous. We met for a coffee. He was amazing. The moment he saw me he grinned from ear to ear. I felt like a whale. He embraced my bump and rubbed it and told me how beautiful and “glowing” I looked – this was move than my unborn babies father had EVER done. He treated me like an angel and he told me that he didn’t care that I was having a baby. He said he would wait until I was ready to move on as I was worth it. We parted with a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

I had Alfie 4 weeks later. The Dj came back on the scene, demanding that I gave him a DNA test on our baby and that if the baby turned out to be his (which it OBVIOUSLY was), then he would give our relationship a proper shot. I was 21, alone, scared and with a brand new baby to care for. A baby that wasn’t planned. I’d never held a baby in my adult years , so Alfie taught me how to be a mum the day he was born. I didn’t want to be a single mum and somewhere deep inside, I was still in love with DJ. I wanted to erase the past. So I did the DNA test and he came back. For a week! He then would turn his phone off to go to the casino to gamble late at night whilst I was doing the night feeds with our 4 week old baby. He would cut me off when I would try to ring him. He would intermittently come back for a few days at a time to have some sex and then leave again. Leaving me in bits. I ended up with an eating disorder after he threw a comment about his ex (whom he has 2 daughters with), losing her baby weight faster than I did. I was a mess.

Needless to say, I lost MSN Man along the way. I treated him appallingly. I was in and out of a horrendous abusive relationship and my heart wasn’t even mine to truly give back then.

MSN Man and myself are still friends. He is on my Facebook and he has a beautiful little girl and a fiance. They have had their ups and downs – but you know what? They’ve worked at it and they are happy. I am so pleased for them both, he is a top bloke.

And me? Well after Friday Nights date (See: First date etiquette), I am not feeling the dating scene much. Yet after sitting in my kitchen on my MacBook, and reminiscing about one of the few wonderful men that I HAVE stumbled across in my dating history…. Well I’m filled with excitement for the new year that is approaching!
What is it that Aaliyah sang?
*Dust yourself off an try again*

Bring on my 2013 dates πŸ™‚
Jem xxx


First date etiquette

Published December 29, 2012 by jjjemma

I’ve been on many dates… Too many to list! I’m not picky , most men will get one chance to impress me or turn my head… Cos, never expect the unexpected.

First date etiquette… This is what I’m going to talk about today. IF a man asks you out, chooses the venue , books the table and says he wants to treat you like a princess, then he should get the bill right?

I have touched upon this on other blogs. I am open to equality amongst the sexes, but first date rules are different are they not? This is the males chance to make a lady feel appreciated. It’s the GENTLEMANLY thing to do.

I always offer to pay, and I do genuinely mean it when I offer. Man friends of mine have said they like it when a girl offers to pay, but would never allow it.. To allow a woman to pay on a first date would make them feel emasculated.

I have to say I feel the same. I want to feel like a lady. Us ladies go to the time expense and effort of hair / tan / nails / make up and in my case arranging babysitters (which yes, I know, it’s my problem but these men all know I have children)

So the least the fella can do is pick up the bill- as I’ve said before , even if the man never plans on paying again in the history of the relationship – pay on that one first date.

95% of my dates have paid on the first date. I have often paid for a drink or two, that doesn’t bother me.

I had a date last night. With a twitter follower/friend. our friendship developed and on twitter he had good banter. He seemed like a lovely guy, which i’m sure he is. I went against my own rule of not dating twitter folk… and now I know why!!! I gave him my word I wouldn’t blog about him, so he wont be named and shamed. πŸ™€

Anyway, he picked me up and took me to a lovely restaurant in the city. Conversation was ok. All was well. Until the bill came, he sat there BLATANTLY not wanting to pay the hefty bill. He pulled a face when the bill came, and was an awkward silence. So much so that I offered to get it. He said I could pay half and then got the waiter to calculate the 50%amount.
Then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, so I said yes and he suggested a bar a short walk away.
When we got there, he stood behind me at the bar, directly behind me. I ordered my drink and asked what he was having as he made no attempt to take over the order. He didn’t offer to pay so I ended up getting the drinks too. I was quite miffed.

Earlier that day he had text to confirm I still was up for the posh meal and told me he wanted to treat me like a princess. πŸ‘ΈπŸ‘ΈπŸ‘ΈπŸ‘ΈπŸ‘Έ

Funny how the princess ended up opening most of the doors herself, was made to feel awkward, had to sit through a few mini rants about his pals, paid half towards the cost of the meal that he had suggested/booked/insisted upon and then finally, the princess ended up buying the drinks.😩🍷⚑

Turned into a very expensive, average date for this single mum and student!

Gonna have a couple of months off dating as I’m clearly doing something wrong.

Am I out of order folks?

Jem xxx



The eventful evening

Published December 9, 2012 by jjjemma

I added a man off of “POF” onto my facebook a few months ago.
he seemed nice enough and of course was very complimentary. We spoke a few times but i was busy and my mum was away so we didnt speak again. one morning I woke up to a messege in my inbox from this dude (see screen grabs at the bottom of this blog post)

Anyway – the messages made me laugh so much that I decided to give this guy a chance. We’ll call him psycho boy. You’ll see why in abit! We arranged to meet last night. I was in Coventry all day yesterday and I didn’t hear from him – we’d arranged the date via Facebook and swapped numbers but not had any banter or anything! So I text asking if we could skip dinner and meet abit later for drinks as I had to get kids to my mums etc. Over an hour and a half later he replied! Saying yes that’s fine. So I raced around like a CUNT, sorting the kids and getting ready. I walked into the bar and saw him instantly. He was short, he looked a combination of two of my ex’s : the Dj and Ricardo the Portuguese puppy love. He was short , dark hair , and was wearing converse style pumps and a black ribbed jumper for a Saturday night date. I expected shoes and a t shirt – smart fucking casual! Anyway! I decided that as I was out already I was gonna just enjoy his company.
He didn’t compliment me and seemed abit cold. Maybe he was nervous.
So , he got me a few drinks, we traded bad date stories – he had a few. Turns out he was a regular “pof-er”. He had had numerous shite dates with weird women. I ledd most of the conversations and started most topics. He was pleasant enough but he attitude was abit off… For example, he said he went out with an ugly bird and used her for “practise” for his next date, and then he said his ex whom he had kids with wasn’t entitled to half the house the shared, even tho she had his kids and was with him 7 years? πŸ‘Ž We Spoke about our kids. Then he asked if I wanted anymore and I said no I didn’t think so.😱
Anyway, after a couple of drinks went to another bar and we had a couple more drinks- then I asked about his ex. He told me he was still married after a year and a half of break up (didn’t tell me that before) ,also he has his kids 70% of the time (again,didn’t think to tell me this before) and went on a mad rant about his mental ex and how much she cheated on him for about 20 mins. I sat there literally thinking – what the actual fuck. I was watching his mouth twisting during his rant and blurring out most of it.
It was awk! But he was totally fine with his rant and then finished it off by saying he’d had the snip (vasectomy!) just before he found out his wife was a serial bitch cheat! – his words!
And!! He said he’d get it reversed – ewww! 😩
Anyway , I suggested we have a shot ( I fooking needed one) -we had a Sambucca and then we went to sit down again, so I put my jacket on and said I was going to the toilet .
I went loo and it was about 50 meters away from where the psycho was sitting so I’d never be able to escape unnoticed. Plus we were upstairs in a bar and I was in skyscraper heels so he’d easily catch me walking out. In hindsight, I should of just said “this really isn’t going to work” and left, however, I’m too bloody nice to be able to say it to his face, so decided to do a runner. Yes, I am a wimp!!! πŸ˜‘
Luckily I got in the loo and 2 young girls were in there who had been dancing near us.
I literally interrupted there convo – quickly explained that my date was a fail and that I needed someone to shield me so I could get out.
They KNEW my date as he drinks in their local and they said he was a WIERDO. Luckily these females were tall and I am short so it worked perfectly!! They shielded me to the staircase and I legged it!! They were waving at me as I ran down 52 steps to the exit and blew me kisses!!! I ❀girls like that!!!
Once outside, I walked pretty damn fast and was lookin for a taxi. I ended up walking through town and then some old black dude (he looked like the “oracle” from The Matrix) started talking to me asking for a fag – gave him one and he asked why I was alone. At this point I was laughing and told him I’d ran from a bad date. He then said he was homeless and had no luck with girls. He asked for my number and I said yes as I just wanted to get away. Again, me being a wimp! To be honest I’d had a fair bit to drink and didnt want to piss off a homeless person, ESPECIALLY when I was on my own in town at 1am! By this point I was walking past a club and there was a taxi rank. He didn’t have a phone as he was homeless so he went off to find a pen! Haha- I wasn’t gonna give him my number btw I just didn’t wanna make the homeless guy get angry and kill me or something. Anyway I was about to hail a cab and homeless guy grabbed me and said a girl had offered her liquid eyeliner so I could write my number on his arm!!!
Argh!!! 😯
I quickly scrawled a fake number on his arm , whilst I was doing this – the lovely female who’d leant the liquid eyeliner was asking wtf was I doing giving the homeless man my number and why I was alone – I quickly told her about my date disaster whilst standing outside the club and said I was going home.
She said her mate had pulled in the club and asked me if I wanted to go in with her. Ditched the homeless dude and went in the club! She was a quality girl! She looked abit like Kelly Osborne, edgy and funky style. Her name was Odette. I didn’t pay to get in the club, as i have a hand tattoo that looks abit like the stamps you get when you enter a club. So I flashed that and walked in for FREE!! Bonus 😊 We were dancing,drinking and doing shots. Then we went for a fag. A fit man came and asked for a light. His mates had left him and he was from near London. Odette asked what his name was, and he said “guess”, so we both guessed and I got it right!!! He was so shocked! I asked how old he was next, and again, he said “guess”. I said “21”? RIGHT AGAIN! We was all laughing and joking and he was HAWT! I’ve posted a pic below cos I dont think i could do him justice in a description. So he came in the club and after some more drinks and dancing he pulled me to one side and he was proper smitten with me! He couldn’t believe I was 28 and had 2 kids ,he kept shaking his head and saying he couldn’t believe he’d met me. He asked me to go back to his hotel after a few racy snogs, on the dance floor, against a wall and on a sofa in a booth at the club. I told him I was frigid hahaha- and I wouldn’t go back to his hotel – he said that made him like me more.His battery had died as he took it out to take my number,so he rang his phone off mine & left himself a voicemail telling himself to call me as I was the fittest girl he’d ever seen! 😘
Then he found himself on Facebook on my phone and friend requested himself! He kissed me a million times! I was SO tempted to go back to his hotel!!! I’ve not felt tempted before last night! I could defo feel something tempting pressing against my body as we kissed! I proper felt 16 again 😍 I was laughing telling him he’d be mortified for snogging an OAP tomorrow. He frowned – I remember actually telling him off :- “don’t frown, you look much more attractive when you smile” .

Got in at 4.30am he put me in a taxi and paid πŸ™‚

But what happened to psycho boy i hear you cry?!!
Well, i had 8 missed calls from him and several texts ranging from concerned, to worried, to angry, to totally schizo!! His last text to me was “i deserve a reason for you just leaving, tonight has gone from the best night of my life – to the worst”
I did reply, last night, and said “I’m sorry but you ranted about your ex too much ”

And that was that! I deleted him quick time from Facebook this morning! And whilst I was on there I saw that the Fit boy had accepted my friend request and Odette had added me on there too! at 11am I got a messege from fit boy asking for my number and i gave him it. It probably wint go anywhere as he is so young and lives an hour and a half away, but it was fun!
-and it sure put a smile on my face!!!