All posts for the month July, 2012

Dating website hell – the male gigolo

Published July 19, 2012 by jjjemma

– The Male Gigolo

In a change, no doubt a welcome one for many of you, this isn’t one of my Blogs or dating disasters at all. To my enormous relief it seems I am not the only one out there who attracts strange people and who has a disastrous love life. Chatting on Twitter to the lovely @ItsJJJemma about one of her recent experiences, I encouraged her to do a guest blog here to tell her story. Here it is:


After almost 6 years with the father of my boys, he left on discovering I was for a second time, pregnant with (yes his!) baby…. That was enough to put me off for life – or so I thought! Two and a half years on, I thought I was ready to get back into the dating game…. Properly ready. So I joined a site called okcupid – which for me spurned out ALOT of married, painfully shy or men with receding hairlines – I dated them all in search for the man whom melts my ice queen heart!

They all failed miserably. So, after a few months break, I joined up to the infamous plenty of fish (or fucks as I like to call it) – and now I know why!!! Which is why I am writing this guest blog today – too prove that yes, I may be borderline psychotic stalker – BUT it has saved me , time, effort and (yet again) my pride!!!

So, a lovely man started messaging me, tall , dark, handsome – Italian (hell yes!!!) He ticked every single box: lived close but not to close, own place, job, fit, etc etc… So he added me on Facebook, and then twitter (he had good banter and we were getting on great. UNTILL he asked me out. The DM went like this:

HIM: when u free?
ME: is that you asking me out mr?
HIM: I think so
ME: Are you sure?
HIM: Yea
ME: Oh sounds inviting. Next fri?
HIM: perfect x

I should of trusted my gut! Always trust your effing gut! Usually I’d of told someone who was asking me out in that manner to jog on. But as this man ticked all of the other boxes, I overlooked his cockiness.

I then told my best friend who is also on twitter and she checked his twitter page out – his bio read along the lines of “your local sandwich man and escort” – which I thought and understood to be a joke. WRONG AGAIN! My friend seemed concerned which urged me to then go back on his Facebook page and scroll through months (stalkerish i know) of his timeline in search of some answers. Eventually, I found some old comments from his pals asking if he had “earned much dollar from fucking oap’s recently lol” – NO NOT LOL!!!!!!

So, I decided to ask the italian stallion if he was,infact, a male Gigolo . Again, a man of many words the convo went like this:-
ME: (trying to keep it light hearted in case I was mistaken) “you best not be an escort or I’m not coming on fri 🙂 ”
HIM: Haha ok
ME: Really ?!!?
HIM: Yea
ME: (fuming) “well I ain’t coming then, you can’t even type more than one worded replies, don’t know how you get any business”.

I then deleted and blocked him off twitter, and unfriended the male prostitute off Facebook.

It all suddenly made sense why someone so gorgeous and seemingly successful was on POF – cos the only women he saw paid for it.

Lesson learnt: If it seems to good to be true, it usually fucking is 🙂
Jemma x


Holibobs to jersey

Published July 15, 2012 by jjjemma

I am writing this blog from my seat on my bmi baby flight from the beautiful island of jersey.
Jersey never interested me growin up. I thought it may be near isle of wight. My image of jersey that was instilled within my pea brain was: sleepy, boring, full of oldies and smelt of cow dung…. How wrong was I!!!!?
My lovely bestie Emma, whom I met on twitter well over a year ago is a born and bred jersey girl. She is funny, swearey and very opinionated (much like myself). We bonded over baby talk and basically being dicks. She has come over to England a few times and stayed with me, and eventually got me to book flights over to the rock (jersey)- so that I could see jersey, meet her family and join her annual birthday lunch/piss up with her pals.
As a single mum of two young lads it’s hard leaving them. My parents don’t mind – but a parents guilt is definitely the hardest to bear. Plus I have never flown before alone IN MY LIFE!!! I booked the flights (on Friday the 13th)! To say I was shitting my pants was an understatement! I boarded my plane, read a newspaper, gazed out of the plane window – and I was there!!!! I saw through the fluffy white clouds, a beautiful island with beaches and turquoise ocean. I was astounded by the beauty I was seeing.
I met Emma’s family who are all wonderful. Her children are a credit to her! Full of personality and beautiful.
We had handstand / red wine fun in the hot tub on Friday night (twitter followers know that emz had a dicky tummy that evening which led to me being nanny McPhee, hahaha, followed by the Saturday birthday lunch and all day booze up.
I had never met Emma’s friends before , so was abit nervous. I’m just a Leicester girl loud and proud. But I’m pleased to report – I had no reason to worry!!! what a fabulous bunch of ladies!!! Gorgeous meal followed by plenty of bubbles.. Infill one by one they sloped off and me and Emma were the last ones standing. Geographically – jersey was larger than I thought it would be. However, we kept seeing the same faces pop up in various bars. It’s surreal how everyone literally knows everyone and how chilled it is. I even spoke to a guy who grew up in Leicestershire! I found it delightfully bizarre!
Emma’s momma collected us after 2.30am and she made us tea and toast-what a gem! And this morning I was handed tea and bacon sandwiches as I woke up. That’s a real treat for me, I can’t remember the last time I was so well looked after.
So, my new crush is jersey. I think I might love her alittle teenie bit! Beautiful beaches, scenery, people- even the cows are golden buttery ,rather than polka dot splattered in shit. I know. Don’t say it… I have such a way with words right?
All is left to say is… If you haven’t… Then book a trip to jersey…. Yarrrrr 🙂 xxxx


Deadbeat Dads

Published July 10, 2012 by jjjemma

Hello, Ola, and Bonjour!!!!! So! Today i am writing about the government. Don’t groan! i heard that 🙂

As a single mummy of two young boys, i get no help from there father physically, emotionally or financially. I am aware of at least 3 other women in my day to day life in this situation. The (government run) Child Support Agency is an extremely slow and painstaking procedure. Even the staff on the telephone helplines sound demotivated and depressed!

i recently started a claim up again after my children’s “father” has refused to contribute AT ALL during the past year. His excuse is “the government provide you with enough money for you and the kids” – whilst he earns thousands and declares very little each week as a self employed entertainment director (of his own company!!). He is very clever – he registered his company as a “limited” company – so that in effect he pays himself a wage and assets can be held in the “limited company” which are not regarded by law as “his” – even though they are … still with me???

The CSA do not have enough powers to make these fathers pay fairly. i believe the reason claims and cases take so long to be processed is solely so that us single parents get pissed off with the system and close the cases down – like i did a year ago!!!

When i telephoned to reopen my case. the monotone voice droned on at me about “having to give all my details again and the fathers due to them not being on system”. BULLSHIT!!! i rang another number afterwards for c/a options , gave my national insurance number and they had all the information on myself, my children and my ex!

Oh and have you heard they now want to charge single parents a fee for making a claim against absent parents?! How exactly is this fair?? Charge the absent parent!!!

I will not give up this time. even if i only get £5 a week for my kids , it is that selfish inexplicable mans duty to pay for his kids. I agree, the government helps me to pay for my part in bringing the kids up (whilst i am in full time college trying to provide a better future for myself and my children may i just add!), BUT it does not cover the children’s fathers duty to pay!

If a man wants to walk away from his two children, whilst providing for his daughters who live in the same town as him then that’s fine – BUT don’t expect to get away from paying. Its a duty you commit to the second you decide to not wear a condom